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Sunday, 10 January 2010


I must now just quickly say to everyone who has shown appreciation of my badly spelt and chaotic writing efforts, Thanks very much, its very inspirational to have people telling me they enjoy reading this Blog (are you sure you got the right Alan?)

It's really helped me keep sane these last few months to write some random shit every day, even if its just my own personal stupid jokes (who i'm sure no one laughs about but me ;o) ) but its helped find my writing voice too which is great. I can one day join the legions of awful writers whos books sell for 50p in Bargain Books, scaling to the same heights of my newly fledged acting career
( - i think you all can recognise the apple here)

Today i bought my brother a birthay card which is for a girl and has fluffy high heels on it. I think he will appreciate it but not sure if his wife will see the humour.

I wandered round old haunts in Glasgow, and watched a new film at the GFT(Glasgow Film Theatre) called 'The Road' - a great but sad movie, with Viggo Mortensen(Aragorn) but with some great scenes of cannibalism ;o) woooah pretty scary if your easy scared though...

'if you dream bad things happening then it shows you're still fighting, that your still alive. Its when you start to dream of good things, you should start to worry'

Well the point of the film i like - it's all about keeping alive the fire inside -

Personally i'd say the only way to do that is to push yourself into uncomfortable positions and taking on too difficult odds - if you dont make any mistakes, then you cant ever learn can you? So, all you smartarses out there who are never wrong, are really just lying weak wankers (and quite boring to listen to) - it's the guy who is brave enough to make mistakes and learns is the cool guy, and i suppose this must be what makes losers more interesting and attractive to (certainly to Estonian) women. 'i can change him' you know what i mean girls? Personally i hate that, since it means men aspire to be fuckups so girls like them, but thats Estonian (and white trash) culture in general (if you aren't like that and like handsome witty Scottish men, and you are hot, please call me as we obviously havent met)

I remember one angry Estonian guy (a mafia criminal lawyer and an arsehole i might add) telling a Norwegian guy in Tallinn - 'you should go home - you are too funny. I dont like you' it was very funny. What a douchebag, this estonian 'kartulpead' (potato head) was scared that he was in danger of laughing. Enjoying life. I hope he got 'concrete skis' by now.

After the impending Nuclear Holocaust and i become a cannibal, i will make sure i eat any Estonian men with sugar- they are more bitter than the nastiest lemon.

Ok, if there wasnt the odd 'moral reflection' piece in this blog i couldn't make it into a bestselling novel...back to the normal lighthearted abuse next posting! If anyone has any suggestions im open to anything, but i was considering taking the piss out of Americans, Israelis and Blondes in general in the near future. Little cheeky Scottish guys could also be on the agenda just to be fair... ;o)


  1. Hey dude, very good your interpretation of an apple! Hehe...

  2. aha....yes. we werent sur if it was an apple or a tomato ;o)