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Friday, 17 December 2010

Blatant Tranny in the 'Douce' Suburbs

' Douce '  -

chiefly Scottish
: sober, sedate douce faces of the mourners — L. J. A. Bell>
douce·ly adverb

(Your enjoyment of this Blogpost will be greatly enhanced by playing  This link -Elgar Symphony no 1 )


So....Today, as I was queuing in Giffnock Post Office to buy some stamps for Christmas Cards, I noticed a fine looking 50 something Gentleman in front of me, wearing lovely pink lipstick and blusher. and wearing a twinset and pearls. 

I wouldnt have bothered about it so much apart from the fact I was in Giffnock.

Giffnock is what you could describe as 'Douce' .Every Scottish city has an area like this, or two. Think St Andrews, Troon, Kelvinside, Morningside. People here arent flashy, many arent even rich, they are simply stable. Volvo driving, labrador walking, Rugby Golf and Bridge playing, cottage in the country holidaying, humourless prudes for the most part - not 'country' enough for the foxhunting set, not 'city' enough for the radical chic and those ghastly left wing people.

These communities dear freinds, here in the death throes of the British Empire, are the backbone and the final and last bullwark, against us finally and permanently 'going to the dogs'

So im sure none of you will be surprised when, much to my amusement, todays blatant suburban postoffice tranny was certainly causing some whispering and tutting from those upstanding and moral ladies who lunch today.
I'm sure if their downtrodden, Archers listening Stockbroker husbands knew about it (they surely would at supper tonight) there most certainly would be some words about it to be had to somebody (what is the world coming to for Gods sake?!)
Giffnock, 100 years ago (or was it today, same difference)

The reason these places are great though is not only BECAUSE NOTHING EVER HAPPENS here, its because, these guys are the only people left in urban Britain WHO STILL KNOW THE RULES.  This Church going, stiff upper lipped, fair playing, hard working, DOUCE, Scottish middle Class exude stability and well educated Christian modesty from every pore. They've been churning out accountants, lawyers, and doctors (and here in Glasgow Engineers) across the Empire for a hundred and fifty years, for crying out loud.

But when trannies walk the streets of Giffnock, we're surely on the slippery slope. When the 'douce' suburbs finally fall ( read - vote Labour ), then the sun will have set on the Empire, and all will be lost.

ps - Ironically, our arch socialist ex prime minister - the man charged for ruining our country this time round (since the last Labour Prime Minister), Gordon Brown was born here, funnily enough in what is now my local pub.

Saturday, 11 December 2010

Ayahuasca , One Year On

Preparing the Laced Kool Aid
Just realising that today is one year since I took Ayahuasca in Peru, with Hamilton Souther and the  blue morpho team .
Totally unconnected photo, in Machu Piccu (which is also a great place, i wrote about it November 2009)

You can read about the experience here and if your brave enough, here . (theres a much longer version of it in this blog in the early December 2009 posts)

I was thinking, has it changed my life ? Are the effects permanent? For those who havent experienced it, Ayahuasca is a jungle vine, which is mixed with tree bark and drunk, in a seance like ceremony - basically traditonal Amazonian Shamanism. The aim is to spend a few days, ingesting the Ayahuasca, in special ceremonies, with the Shamans. The Shamans sing 'Icaros' which are gentle healing songs, and you get frightening visions, puke your guts up, get rid of all your bad energy, and hopefully have a life changing ephiphany (do you get non-life changing epiphanies?!!)
The Mighty Amazon, near Iquitos

There are many pretty badly run and less than genuine Ayahuasca 'experiences' for tourists in Peru, mostly in Iquitos , but some notable good ones and proper Shamans and so on, and price does not seem to be a good indicator of quality. The main thing to do is check around forums and so on for one that looks comfortable, as it seems different people find a place they like themselves, or get to know some Shamans out there in the jungle, if you are feeling brave.
Nightlife in Iquitos

Its a boom business now though, with everyone 'waking up' to themselves etc etc. , pretending to get rid of their Ego. However, joking aside, i'd recommend it as a truly life changing event. For sure, i had an ephiphany or two, and im sure my fellow travellers on that trip did also. But one year on, how does it feel?
The Promenade, in Iquitos

The more visual things have faded, like the 'wolf' who came into my life, doesnt hang out with me any more - I wonder, was he real or a construct of the 'medicine', or just my imagination? or is it that now my heart has hardened again and im not open or sensitive to the spirit world any more. I had some crazy times in the month after the 'Aya', coming to grips with a dive into the world beyond, and had some terrifying nightmares, too, if im honest, but now it all seems like a distant dream....

However, the medicine does seem to work on you in the background, deep in your core. Priorities in life change, your philosophy changes, you realise whats actually important in life, and what isn't. These kind of things stay with you forever. The only sad thing is when you come out and you see that no one else has changed - I can understand that though - what if a freind i'd known for 20 years suddenly started telling me they'd seen the light? that material possessions are irrelevent? that God has a plan for us all and not to worry too much?
The happy and content, and eminantly non-materialistic, Mr Shitty, of Iquitos, relaxing at home

Well its just as confusing coming out of this thing back to your old life (which in my own case is generally about making money) and realising that actually the money isn't really so relevant other than as a means to an end - But the Ayahuasca is strong. 3 weeks ago, I found myself locked out of my apartment one day, and i realised that there isnt a single thing in there that i really wanted, not a single thing. So profound a thing hadn't occurred to me before but anyway, for the first time in my life there was a temptation to simply walk away from it all, and keep walking...but of course I didnt, I packed a suitcase and went to USA, on maybe another Ayahuasca tour is required, so i can end up happy as this guy..(who could forget mr Shitty, of Iquitos)

Friday, 10 December 2010

Glasgow in 24 hours (or maybe 3 days really)

24 hours in Glasgow on the other hand, is a doddle. The only problem is, that you'll want to come and live there.

Firstly, do a little tour...

The way Glasgow is built (fairly high density 4 storey tenenement blocks) means its easy to get around. To start off in the morning, jump onto the 'hop on hop off' bus tour. It has two loops, the East End and the West End. The East End is ugly, the West End is beautiful.
The Peoples Palace, Glasgow

  On the east side, you can check homeless drunks waking up to their morning can of 'special brew'. There are however a few little gems and oddities to check out - on the weekends there's 'The Barras' which is one of the worlds biggest flea markets. If you want knocked off DVD's and computer games this is also your best bet. The area half gentrified now so you see a few nice looking new developments sticking out like a sore thumb. The gem of the East is Glasgow Green, a large park on the river. It contains the Peoples Palace a strange museum devoted to the history and life of Glasgow, which actually has a really great conservatory to have a cup of tea in (if you are that way inclined) Another quirky thing worth checking (apart from the amazing Victorian fountains in all the parks) is Templetons carpet factory, which is a copy of the Doge's Palace in Venice. Also if copies of Italian Architecture floats your boat is the Ca'doro (house of gold) building on the corner of Union Street and Gordon Street, a copy of the Venetian house of the same name.

Glasgow Green, and Templetons carpet Factory

The West End of Glasgow is posh and bohemian. Full of more interesting people. Even some foreigners. Glasgow University is there, across from the Kelvingrove Museum and Art Gallery, which is well worth a visit. These, together with The Huntarian Museum (its in Glasgow University Building), and the Glasgow Transport Museum and the lovely Charles Wilson designed Park Circus all hang out around Kelvingrove Park, Glasgows best park by a long way ( I should know, i've slept in it ) Best get off the bus around here and take in this part of the city by foot, just wander around, the buildings are beautiful, the streets leafy, and theres a new and interesting thing around every corner. Once you finish up, you'll need some food. Mother India, across from the Art Gallery is the best Indian food you'll ever eat, i kid you not. Dont just beleive me - youll notice it because theres often a queue out the door. Its not expensive either, just a great atmosphere, experience and food (hey i hope your reading this and offer me free curry!!)  If you want some good healthy Scottish Seafood, go for Stravaigin (which is Gaelic for 'to wander' ) on Gibson Street, across the park.
Glasgow Uni, the other day before it started snowing

You may as well at this stage, if you want ot leave the West End back to the centre, jump on Glasgows strange little underground system, known locally as 'the clockwork orange'

Anyway, the city centre, as you know from my previous posts has a whole bunch of pretty victorian streetscape - check out in particular Royal Exchange Square, which houses the GOMA (Gallery of Modern Art) and has some pretty funky places to eat and drink, like one up, on this link, and also Princes square if you like to combine it with posh shopping. If you like good seafood and pretty interesting Art Deco Interiors, check out the famous Rogano Oyster Bar in Royal Exchange Square too. This is the saquare with the famous statue who permanently dons a traffic cone (ever since i was a kid, im not sure who put it up there but it looks great)

In the city centre, the coolest part is Garnethill, up by Sauchiehall Street.  A must see for a visit to Glasgow is the School of Art , not only the most famous Charles Rennie Mackintsh Building, and the Alma Mater of 'The Glasgow Boys' movement amongst other painters, but also of a fair few 'Glasgow sound' rock bands like Travis, Belle and Sebastian, Franz Ferdinand, Snow Patrol....(even though theyre from Ulster!)

The nearby west main part of Sauchiheall Street is also worth a peek,  if by then you fancy a beer. It used to be the main street of Indian restaurants but theres a whole mix now of arty Bars and restaurants, with some trendier ones behind there on Bath Street. Being a fan of cosy dive bars, id recomend 'The Variety Bar' if you want to meet poets and chancers. Once you have a taste for it, walk West though across the motorway, and towards Woodlands Road - my favourite pub in town, Uisge-beatha there. Its a dive, its true but the quiz night is legendary (and impossible) it does a great selection of Whisky, a good mix of people (pretty much everyone with an iq over 120), and for the ladies, all the bartenders wear kilts! If you want to get drunk after that, theres 'Ashton Lane' just off the back of Byres Road thats one big bar street, with something for everyone, so long as its alcohol your looking for.

Sleeping? if you really insist, check  or really, or better yet, just chat up a local.

ps and dont bother going South of the river unless you want to check Scottish Ballet's base, the impressive Tramway theatre.  Or to visit me of course. 

Monday, 6 December 2010

London in one day

London in 24 hours? Are you kidding me? Cancel your flight and take a week ! You'll barely get past the airport security in a day ;o)

More later....

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Scotland, the Templar knights, Robert the Bruce, and the Battle of Bannockburn

Stirling Castle, scene of Robert the Bruce's final routing of the filthy English in 1314
So, on this day after St Andrews Day (the day of the Patron Saint of Scotland, and oddly enough, Russia, Ukraine, Romania, and Patras in Greece) winter is quickly upon us. It makes Scotland look much nicer thats for sure. So i've nicked a couple of photies frae the newspaper to show you, dear reader.
Edinburgh, looking dreich as always, just the other day

The snow today in Glasgow is about a foot, not exactly Baltic level snow but enough to make ladies who lunch panic (although im not sure why because they all drive 4x4 Range Rovers) The working class are not generally affected since, like in US you can tell our poor by the fact that they are, to a person, fat, and therefor well insulated from the cold. Well, fast food isnt much cheaper than healthy food but its far more convenient.

However i digress... let me tell you a little about the history of my lovely really looking forward to, at some point soon, visiting Stirling Castle (pictured) and the Wallace monument, which is halfway between Glasgow and Edinburgh, and traces the harsh times where Scotland was getting some trouble from the English King, Edward 1st ('Hammer of the Scots') but, as you im sure saw in 'Braveheart'...cometh the hour cometh the man...and William Wallace, stirred up the populace enough, for Robert the Bruce to come back and utterly trounce Edward's foppish son Edward 2nd and take back Scotland once and for all at the Battle of Bannockburn in June 1314, just at the foot of Stirling castle.
Wallace Monument, diguised as a penis

It gets more interesting though. Rumour has it the Templars got into the fight...
``...the great King Robert the Bruce supported by the Knights Templar led by Sir William Sinclair with an army of only 9,000, defeated 38,000 Englishmen, the Scots facing heavy calvary, archers and wave upon wave of staunch and brave Englishmen.

But, while their involvement hasn't been proven, historians argue that the Knights Templar (or what remained of them after they were broken up by the damn French) were given refuge in the then excommunicated pariah state that was Scotland, so im sure a few were knocking around....heres a great link - i think that actually if the Templars did in fact fight with us (or at least the Scottish ones) then they wouldnt really want to draw attention to the fact so it all kinda makes sense.

Oddly enough all this is connected to the Da Vinci code and the Roslyn Chapel, which was built by the Sinclair(St Clair) family. Who oddly enough were involved in Scottish Rite Freemasonry and are known as a leading family in the Illuminati. And who (heres one for the conspiracy theorists!) their descendant Lady Sinclair married (the heir to the throne) Jacob Rothchild a few years back. Check Here (if you are into this kind of thing) you can see that they are the leaders of the Illuminati, and it was all calculated to ensure world domination etc etc.

Anyway back to the battle - rather than let me tell you the story of how the 'wee folk' (the cooks and so on) decided to join the battle, and the English, already losing, thought this was reinforcements coming, routed and ran, leaving the Scots to capture a large portion of English Nobility for ransom, you can see the whole background of the battle in the following..

Link to the Battle of Bannockburn

well....heres to war and world domination!