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Sunday, 28 March 2010

Nobodies Cool in Vilnius

Did you ever hear about the cool Lithuanian? no? Well thats ok becuase, like unicorns they dont exist. But thats fine. Vilnius is a great city and quite happy with the fact that no one is cool. The upside of this is that you dont have to shave, you can wear your favourite jumper that has holes in it, and you can smell a bit funky (the strongest memory of any Vilnius dancefloor) and no one cares. I wish every city was like this. You dont have to worry about anything. Leave your toothbrush at home, hike around the beautiful old town, and check the Frank Zappa statue (there is no connection between Frank Zappa and Lithuania except there is for some reason a random statue of him in Vilnius)

I went to Vilnius this weekend just to get away from Tallinn and to see some pals. Seems all the foreigner freindly bars (Prospecto, Broadway, Pablo Latino for those of you who are interested) have no foreigners which is great. It's also the nearest 'card counting' city for Blackjack - one casino called Nautilus used to attract teams from all over the world, becuase it let you split or double aces after the split. So after one 'hit' from the pros too many it seems to have folded. However Grand Casino obliged me generously and paid for my trip this time.

Anyway heres a photo of Vilnius, one of me with Agne who for some reason looks like Jennifer Aniston here, and of Bill Pahl, who wont want me to tell everyone here that hes an undercover federal marshall, just like in Shutter Island.

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Cabin Fever In Estonia

If i live in one place for more than a few months, I go crazy. 3 months winter here in Estonia is too much, so i'm off to vist my pal Richard in Bangkok then to stay in my apartment in Malaysia for a month. It has a swimming pool and is almost on the equator, but most importantly, its an easy hop to some paridise islands where i can surf and swim and get bored as hell and get cabin fever with the local cannibals. I understand Cannibilism was real up until a few years ago down there, so will be interesting to contact with some crazy headhunting tribes. Also there are Komodo Dragons. Now thats going to be fun.

The main thing is, shortly i will be alive again, not going crazy in the melancholy drunk party which is Tallinn.

On Thursday i'll go to the Circus and ill tell you all about it. I've been twice there, once in Glasgow for my 6th birthday party. I remember vaguely clowns, midgets and horses. And once in Las Vegas, where there were pretty amazing acrobats. So here's to the dancing bears!

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Why Estonia is better than England (but not Scotland) no 2 - Beautiful girls

Well everyone has their taste in women of course, and everyone is human so i cant judge. Some like women to be pretty and sincere, some think modesty and good manners is a virtue. Some like a women who is a good cook, some like a confident sexy woman. But does any man want to marry a women who is drunk falling over, boorish, obnoxious, rude wears a microskirt and pees her panties? Feminisms ugly face if you ask me. Give me a woman who inspires, any day ;o)

Friday, 5 March 2010


I keep seeing similar trends in every Expat community across the world. So heres a new series on expat trends.

1. Italians - Here in the Baltics, is every simple small village Italians dream. Beautiful girls who actually beleive you when you say 'bella bella' and 'you have eyes like the Baltic sea' (ok ok thats one of my favourites too) like naughty schoolboys they flock over here to find the impoverished Russian girl of their dreams and get them pregnant before you can say 'buy me Gucci handbag' This scene it seems gets played out in every city in every eastern bloc country, until the reputation of the Italians becomes such trash (or the country gets some self respect/economic growth) then they have to move on. Italians were almost wiped out in the crazy boom in Estonia, as the local Mareks and Indreks could afford to borrow all the money for a nice mercedes (now repossesed by the bank) but now in tough times, the Italians are back in town. Newspapers across rural Italy post articles on the new 'place' to go where horny Italian 'businessmen' are welcome (they always pretend they are businessmen or investors but theres only one type of deposit they want to make) i understand now Siberia is the new place (where Italian postmen still seem exotic and interesting)

I think however, the days of the Italian village waiters (posing as businessmen)are on the wane, as waves of the new mutation arrive - Turkish sex tourists. The reputation of the Turks are so bad that they actually pretend to be Italian. Who knows, maybe this will be goodbye Eastern Bloc sex tourism, hello Russian women demanding not to considered as playthings of Western men. But i somehow dont think so.

Monday, 1 March 2010

Full moon in Estonia

My last 24 hours

00.00hrs - saturday night/sunday morning. Exhausted after Fridays late night, definately having a quiet night. unshaved and exhausted, I'm convinced to go to 'Hell Hunt for 'one beer'. I start off there with Clint, via a nasty new russian party in Deja Vu (we last 3 minutes in there)

00.15hrs En route accosted by an good freind who just came back from Mexico. Who's body clock is in Mexican time and is bursting with energy.

06.00 hrs After 15 cups of coca tea, finally begin to go to bed.

11.00 hrs Have a strange dream that another freind (this freinds sister) calls my phone, and suddenly I'm in a frog costume making funny faces in front of a camera for some movie.

15.34 hrs realise that its not a dream.

17.00 hrs fall asleep and dream that im in a party with gorgeous Scottish Ballet dancers, and im the only straight guy at the party.

23.00 hrs realise its not a dream either.

00.00 hrs am not sure whether to sleep again.