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Monday, 9 January 2012

The Most Annoying things about R*anair


Whats the most annoying thing about R*anair?

Flying on this ‘airline' today, and realising that they employ mostly those marines who were torturing Iraqis in their customer facing roles, I thought I’d gauge the publics thoughts on whats the worst part of ‘the R*anair experience’.

Here’s my top 5

The grating music they play on landing. That hideous trumpet that wakes you up, reminds you that you are not on the beach, you are on a cattle truck, followed by some quite lame boasting that they are on time.  The more annoying thing is the fact that this is actually a con trick  - they deliberately say the flight will take say 2hours, when in fact it only normally takes 1hr 40mins, so they are always arriving ‘early’. Well, that’s according to my Dad at least.

The clapping. I actually think they play tinned clapping here. Not even Gypsies, Turks or Polish builders clap any more, do they?  The nastier the airline, the harder the clapping, that’s for sure. 

Hidden Costs. The website has become a mine field, to the extent that the headline price has absolutely nothing to do with the actual price you end up paying. I noticed that airport taxes are going up, and there are constant tricks to try to get you to buy bags or the (totally worthless) insurance. Have you ever read the insurance policy? It basically doesn’t pay anything out- check the smallprint! Anyway, its well worth adding up the total costs here (with transport to/from airport) and comparing with a real airline that isn’t out to destroy your belief in the good nature of human beings.

Jobsworth staff. I notice there is a big difference airport to airport. Here in Stockholm (which is 100km from Stockholm actually, with a 30 euro bus fare to Stockholm) One nice girl was fine with me holding a book in my hand, then I had to go back as I was ‘too early’ So when I went back in, the other one
……decided that I looked like the boyfriend who jilted her at the alter and made, for no good reason a totally stupid power trip charade. 
In true traffic warden fashion she made me add the book I had in my hand to the 10kg maximum weight which put it over 10kg, even though id already been through security earlier that day (and made 3 flights with the same luggage and airline the last week) The trick here is of course to not give her the satisfaction of being angry, and to look at the jobsworth with a look of disgust reflecting the cockroach that he/she is, then go to the bathroom and put on all your clothes, and walk through again looking like Michelin man but ‘your hand luggage weighs less than 10kg’ – of course making a total mockery of the whole stupid system. I think the people who work here aren’t actually bothered about the 10kg rule they just get off on causing humiliation to random strangers.

Anyway, to the old lady who made me do that today (I put 3 tops on and stuffed all my books in my pockets, and waltzed through looking stupid, which was what she actually wanted to see in the first place) Good job, jobsworth! I bet your proud.

‘Dublin Belfast’. The enormous and expensive distances from the actual city you are supposed to be going. The airports they use are usually disused airfields at least 50km away from both the city and the real airport that you are connecting to.

I must admit like most people (who don’t admit it but you know its true) I’m quite cheap generally, and usually go for the cheapest flight, but from now on, I’m going to be prepared to pay a little more for a little more humanity. I’ll live longer that way, and not end up punching the next person who wants to weigh my book.


  1. Go with Easy jet if you can. They even checked in my hold bag for free. So I just wandered onto the plane with a bag of sandwiches my Mum gave me. Last Ryan air trip I took I had to go through the same rigmarole with some b@£strd weighing my hand luggage and forcing me to throw away all my underwear, lunch and book! All replaceable though. Probably a good method to force you to buy new socks!

  2. Plainly you also looked like the man who jilted him on HIS wedding day ;o)

  3. I actually had to read it all the way through to get that ;)