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Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Candidates for Euthanasia - 1

Nop i dont mean young people in China. I mean people who shouldnt really be alive annoying us.

We've all seen them. The guys you see, which you take one look and think 'thanks God im not that guy'.

At first thought you could say 'yeah lets just kill those guys, they dont serve humanity any purpose'  but WAIT. Hold on a minute there with your happy killing spree - These very guys are actually helping us, but serving as a stark warning  - were talking about the guys who you see who represent some kind of 'welcome to a possible future that you should avoid at all costs' moment. It is in fact possible that they dont really exist, that GOD SIMPLY PUT THEM THERE TO WARN US to avoid being that guy at all are some i just thought of while avoiding football on tv.

1. The Old freak in the youth hostel
Is it just me, or does every youth hostel have a resident old bore who has a grey ponytail and no money and talks and acts like an old woman all the time, and you kind of wonder, how the hell did this guy end up in such an awful state? Living his whole life travelling, but not enjoying it as he's sleeping in crappy bunk beds, and living on cabbage in the hostel kitchen. He always has some kind of 'visa problem' or somthing similar, and plainly isnt wise since hes paying a fortune to stay in a hostel when he could be in a similarly crappy bedsit - at least hed have his own kitchen that way. Why does he stay for months in youth hostels? does he think he will get some action with drunk 19yr old backpackers ? Well sure stranger things have happened but this guy goes to bed at 10pm so that cant be on the agenda.
This 'travellers warning guy' to me signifies the end of the road for someone whos travelled too long, and wakes up too late to the fact that actually in life you have to conside the idea of some kind of career (or at least a job Godammit)

2. The Uber Geek - We all seemed to go to school with one or two of these guys (if you dont know one, go to Finland or join a Gun club) Despite being succesful financially, he basically forgot about skills. He the guy who when you first meet him you dont really want to shake his hand becuase he looks like he mastrubates a lot. Despite being a millionaire, he is 43 and has never had a girfriend, mainly because women dont compute. Just think of a richer version of the guy in 'the machinist' who's best freind is the hooker he visits every time he can afford to. The moral of this story could be that a balanced life may well be in order, and if you ever feel yourself thinking that 'women dont really interest me as human beings' then go and hang out with one of these guys for 5 minutes (there are regular flights from most European cities to Helsinki) and you will find yourself so repulsed you'll be catapulted back to the real world of normal people.
One other way to meet them incidentally, if the Euthanasia route interests you is if for some reason they have a girlfriend. You can usually find she is hard up for good sex so you could ask her out for some rumpy pumpy and start leaving her sexy messages on the house phone. The guy who you read about in the newspaper next day who shot 12 people then himeself was her 'Uber Geek' boyfriend, you bastard.

3. The 'ladies man' - Certainly this species is alive and well in Eastern Europe. His thought process is 'I cant get laid in England so if i go to a poor country, then these girls will find me attractive'  Doh?!!! This Sex tourist in denial usually finds himself pestering waitresses and bartenders day and night, and after exhausting everyones patience starts whinging to anyone who will listen 'how awful the girls are here' . All time not noticing that he is actually cheap and boring and unattractive in every respect (the reason he actually cant get any, anywhere) . The inevitable next step to prop up his ego will be the 'sponsorship route' where he just resorts to paying girls to hang out with him (they try avoid sleeping with him of course, they arent hookers after all) So as the ultimate insult he ends up spending a fortune on Russian girls and still not getting any action.  (and still not getting the message) The best thing that can happen to this guy is that he goes broke, so then he gets his wakeup call. It is entirely possible that that is how men become no 1.

4. The Fat guy. Especially in Summer. Poor Bugger.

5. The guy whos wife is a slut. Yes we all know this pussy. He fell in love with her,and they got married, as she thought she'd love him eventually. But actually he loved her so much (and loved himself so little) that he ended up a total doormat and a pussy, to such an extent that his freinds have to make an agreement not to sleep with his wife, despite her grabbing your balls every time she sees you. Its pretty hard if shes hot, and inevitably the 'wife who is a slut' gets nailed by the odd 'ladies man' (no3) who's usually the most hard up guy in town, and with the least moral fibre, but more often with multiple random strangers in nightclub toilets when she's 'having a girls night out'  and the poor sod is at home looking after the kids (which may or may not be his own) Appreciated, there are always going to be 'Omega Males' but really- one look at this guys nervous demeanor and you dont want to be there. And best not to ask if shes married when your in that Club toilet.

Any more suggestions?

Monday, 28 June 2010

We must stop this Estonian World Domination Threat!

Some people are have bizzare notions that Jews or Chinese or Masons secretly control the world. What the hell are these guys talking about? All the time, behind our backs, and in our midst, there is another more sinister group pulling the strings.
SPUD operatives undercover, yesterday

Here was us looking at Davos meetings and who was in the Council on Foreign Relations and all the time the Estonians are secretly running the world from their free wifi locations in south Estonia.

I should have known beforehand - all through history we've seen Estonian World Dominators, out there in the open, operating under our noses -

We can trace this history from hundreds of years ago, as one the worlds Potato Emperor began his ascent..famously quoting

'Give me control of the countries potatoes and i care not who makes the laws' Nathanial de Kartulipead 1803 (on holiday in London)

to present day, dim but ambitious frontman for the Estonian Slavemasters -

“Don't worry about American pressure on Estonia, we, the Estonian people control America, and the Americans know it.” Ariel Saavisaar 2006 (on holiday in Tel Aviv)

I managed to infiltrate the groups headquarters last weekend, where they were holding their infamous all night 'Jaanipaev' rally. Jaanipaev' literally translates as 'Death and Enslavement to all non Estonians. Hail the mighty Fatherland. Hail the mighty Potato' . The group has been actively promoting Estonias role in enslaving the peoples of the world, while hoarding world potato crops and keeping their own country debt free. It's no wonder that those Estonian men who went bankrupt in the crisis were total fools and were known as 'potato heads' - part of their code, these were actually top agents being made 'sacrifical lambs' by the top brass in the bunkers of Otepaa to pretend that they too were suffering. You think its a coincidence that beautiful Baltic blondes round the world are marrying rich men?! Think again! These are all actually top secret agents employed by Estonias crack 'Section Promoting Undercover Directives' or SPUD for short, in order to bring these men to Estonia to spend all their money, or to divorce them and take the money. Why else is the Old Town,Tallinn full of hot rich divorcess with British Accents?!
Estonians look on as they burn people with brown eyes at the stake

The main training ground for the girls who wish to be future cougars, I can reveal is Suur Kaire Street in Old Town, Tallinn, where the ever growing junior volunteer force practice in seducing men who are far too old for them, in order to experience cynicism and a soulless loveless life at a young age. All this sacrifice for their fatherland is very commendable from the Estonian World Domination point of view, and these girls are usually rewarded with jobs in the catering industry round the world to hone their skills further and 'catch the rich guy' to draw back the money to dear Eesti.
Seductresses at work

So next time a beautiful girl tells you 'you have eyes like the baltic sea', just be careful and watch your pockets. In fact, better just run - though drop her my phone number so i can follow up the case.

So how to spot them? How to defeat this tyranny of beauty?

Well the most obvious sign is the blue eyes. If you want to put a halt to this world enslavement process, then join my lead and boycott all businesses that employ blue eyed or blonde people. Or good looking girls (probably volunteers for SPUD). Or really ugly charmless bald Estonian guys (probably SPUD operatives) Avoid Pretty women at all costs. Focus on finding a girfriend with a good sense of humour, and a father, as she almost certainly will not be Estonian. Girls? I think you arent in any danger, unless you have been abused at a young age and have a thing for ugly bald guys.

Saturday, 19 June 2010

How we can cure Feminism

Feminism in some countries has basically turned men into shivering wrecks. The poor lost little boys dont know what they should do, should he pay for dinner, should he ask her to iron his shirts? should he be the 'man' in the relationship instead of asking her what she thinks all the time? The answer is yes all round but it seems that in UK and the West these blithering insecure and pathetic wretches dont have a clue when they meet a real hotty (which is fine as all the more choices for me) but still, here is my prognosis on the problem and what i think is a solution for these poor buggers, so they arent resigned to a life of taking abuse from fat chicks and taking nervous breakdowns.

One response in US to this 'crisis of confidence' was the phenonomenon of 'pick up artists'

Lets first look at the pros and cons of learning the skills of a 'pick up artist'


1. You can sleep with lots of shallow damaged or ugly women
2. Your confidence increases
3. You become popular with women, especially shallow damaged or ugly women

Cons -

1. You end up sleeping with girls who you dont really like (which is ok guys, really it is, just dont do it all the time)
2. You become shallow and empty and possibly obsessed with the new challenges brought forth
3. You find it difficult when a girl who you actually like comes along, and end up treating her like a 'conquest'
4. You turn into a total dickwad

One thing i noticed though here, is that, people who are into 'pickup' do tend to be guys who didnt get any action when they were younger, ie ugly guys, so they turned to 'self development' to solve this. BUT the key thing is that even with all these skills they DONT GET GOOD LOOKING/NORMAL GIRLS, unless they are themselves good looking and normal.

My conclusion? 'pickup' in the American style, only allows men the confidence to get the girls who they should be getting anyway. However on the plus side, at least they can do it with confidence, and they have thus conquered feminism -

But the issue facing men today is - with feminism ruining their confidence and attempting to smudge their definition of what it is to be a man, what are the alternatives to learning 'pickup'? For the 80% of guys, who lack confidence, who are needy and boring and geeky, who are ugly, the above pros of learning 'how to pickup chicks' outnumber the cons convincingly, and may seem the only option apart from a $200 a day coke habit.

So as any average girl in US will tell you, the country has been now invaded by 'ubergeeks' with stupid hats, bracelets and all these 'pickup' knick nacks, and cheesy lines copied from 'pickup books'. Geeks have become 'pickup' Geeks so they are again failing in record numbers.

My opinon? Geeks, please just focus on programming and making cool games, and if you become successful, then an ugly girl will marry you. And thats good as we need ugly girls getting sex otherwise they turn into Hillary Clinton.


Well ok enough on pickup, lets look more at Feminism, and how we can cure it, or at least as i, a mere man understand it. Feminism address's womens complaints about men and our treatment of women, but not, it seems, in a language men understand.

Feminism after all (in my humble mans opinion) is simply a veiled cry of 'you guys, you need to be more masterful, and please be more manly, and direct us, and treat us with respect, please sleep with the ugly women too and tell them they are pretty otherwise well get bitter at you'

So, fellow men, let me make it clear to you all - while the basic tenets of 'pickup' are true - women (like men) do not want equal rights, they dont want to be asked what they want to do all the time, they do like to laugh - The basic and biologically correct traits of a man - masterful confidence, Humour, and Good Grooming are attractive to women and always will be.

Armed with these and a good dose of Romance - being masterful, allowing the girl to be secure and flower as the beautiful girl she really is (even if she isn't really) then you can bring out the best in your girl, she will love you for it, and BAM, like a large shit that has been sitting blocking the toilet for ages, all that feminism is totally flushed out, and the bathroom smells nice again (i just added that in case any girls were reading)

So, to conclude, here is an easy flowchart

1. Ugly geeky guy? - do 'pickup', sleep with lots of ugly women to stop them complaining, and then marry one of them and focus on making good computer games.

2. Normal guy? - do 'romance' because its more fun and makes a beautiful girl more beautiful.

And there we have it, if all guys followed 1 or 2, we'd have no feminism!

Friday, 11 June 2010

Unusual places to look for your future wife no 316 - prostitutes

Falling in love with a crack whore i think i can safely say isn't up there with 'wise decisions in history' but still...what about upmarket 'escorts' ?

I have a freind (who will remain anonymous) who seems to have aspirations to be a high class hooker, so to check this industry (and hopefully to put her off such a silly idea) we now have a plan to interview some ropy looking hookers, both in London and Estonia, to see how they 'tick'. And also some hot and upmarket ones, to tell the difference (ie truthfully that part is just so i can see if i can seduce them for free)

I'm pretty sure the answers to our interview questions to prossies are quite predictable, particularly for the crack whores (abused at a young age, drug addiction, in love with their pimp,bad relationships etc. etc.)

But what will be interesting will be how this compares with 'belle de jeur' or upmarket hookers. What drives them? Why would a smart and decent looking broad lie on her back for bald old fatties, for (lets be realistic) not a lot of money?

Well Belle de Jeur (aka Dr Brooke Magnanti) was (is) a smart phd research scientist

who simply realised that turning tricks was a good and easy way to pay the rent. But is that really true or is there more behind the story? To be honest shes a bit of a munter, so ive no idea why anyone would pay to shag her but, seemingly there are less fussy guys around than I, dear freinds.

Heres a typical story behind a girl who 'goes on the streets' to fund her and her lovely boyfreinds heroine habit. Look how releived he is when his love tells him shes going on the game again so he doesnt have to beg hehe. this space and if the results are interesting, then you'll soon find out.

More 'research' from our dear Belle de Jeur -

and for those interested in the fate of one-legged prositutes (wtf?!!),2933,409424,00.html

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

One million things to do with Potatos

Apologies re the cabbage jokes. It's really all about potatoes..

From a lovely Belarusian Cuisine page ( )

'The Belarusians bring fame to their beloved potato in their verses, songs, dances. There are special potato cafes in the country where you can try various potato dishes'


14 potatoes, 100 g salted pork fat, 2 onions, greens, salt.
Boil the potatoes in a slightly salted water, dry and mash. Cut the salted pork fat into small pieces, brown with onion and mix with mashed potatoes. Serve with greens.

8 potatoes, 200 g pork stuffing, 3 eggs, 2 onions, 1 cupful milk, 3 tblsps butter, fat, salt.
Boil the potatoes, mash adding hot milk, butter and eggs. Transfer half of mashed potatoes to a frying-pan greased with fat. Cover with meat stuffing mixed with browned onions and on top put a layer of the remaining potatoes. Smooth the mixture, cover with whipped eggs and bake.

10 potatoes, 4 tblsps millet, 2 eggs, 1 tblsp sour cream, 1 tblsp butter, 1-2 onions, fat, salt.
Boil the potatoes and prepare a sticky millet porridge. Mash the potatoes, add the millet porridge, butter, eggs, salt, browned onions and mix thoroughly. Put the mixture in a hot skillet greased with fat, smooth, brush the top with sour cream and bake.

10 potatoes, 250 g pork, 1 onion, 1 tblsp flour, 1 tblsp fat, pepper, salt.
Grate the peeled raw potatoes, add the flour, salt, ground pepper, fried pieces of pork and onion. Mix the ingredients thoroughly, place in a greased stoneware pot and bake.

10 potatoes, 200 g fresh mushrooms, 1 tblsp flour, 2 onions, 2 tblsps sour cream, fat, salt.
Grate the raw potatoes, combine with flour and add the salt. Blanch the cleaned mushrooms, wash, boil and brown together with onion. Lay half the potato mixture in a greased skillet, then the layer of mushrooms with onions and the remaining potatoes placed on top. Smooth the surface of the potato babka, brush it with sour cream and bake. Serve with butter or sour cream.

12 potatoes, 200 g salted pork fat, 2 onions, salt.
Boil the peeled potatoes in salted water and mash. Brown the finely cut pieces of salted pork fat together with onion to a golden colour and mix together with the potatoes. Divide the mixture into small round balls (komes), brown on a greased griddle and bake in oven.

10 potatoes, 150 g salted pork fat, 2 onions, 70 g dried apples, pepper, salt.
Peel the raw potatoes, grate, add the salt, pepper, slightly browned small pieces of salted pork fat and onion, mix with washed in hot water apples, put into a stoneware pot and bake. Serve with butter and milk.

10 potatoes, 2 tblsps flour, 250 salted pork fat, 2-3 onions, vegetable oil, salt.
Grate the raw potatoes, add wheat-flour, salt and mix. Fry like pancakes in a very hot frying-pan with butter. Serve the draniki with salted pork fat cracklings which are cooked as follows: slice the salted pork fat and fry over a slow fire until melting, then add the chopped onions and fry until a golden colour.

18 raw potatoes, 3 boiled potatoes, 200 g pork, 3-4 tblsps vegetable oil, 100 g lard, 1 onion, 3 tblsps sour cream, salt.
Shred the raw potatoes and wring out. Combine with mashed potatoes, adding some salt. Shape the mixture into flat cakes, stuff with minced meat and fry in vegetable oil. Then transfer the kałduny to a pot, cover with gravy made from onions and sour cream fried in lard. Place in oven and heat well.

6 potatoes, 300 g mushrooms, 1 carrot, 2 eggs, 1 tblsp flour, fat, parsley greens, salt.
Wash the potatoes and carrot, boil them and shred on a shredder. Boil the mushrooms in a slightly salted water, drain and mince. Combine the ingredients and add the eggs, minced parsley greens, salt and pepper to taste. Mix well, shape the mixture into cutlets, roll in flour, brush with egging and fry.

4 potatoes, 0.5 cupful rice, 2 carrots, 1 onion, 1 egg, fat, salt.
Boil the potatoes, peel them and shred. Boil the rice. Fry the minced onions and shredded carrot until soft. Mix the ingredients, add the minced parsley greens, salt and pepper to taste. Mix thoroughly and set aside for half an hour. Shape the mixture into cutlets, roll in flour, brush with egging and then roll in bread crumbs. Pry the cutlets until a golden colour in the great amount of fat. Serve with milk sauce.

12 potatoes, 2 tblsps flour, vegetable oil, 2 eggs, 100 g salted pork fat, pepper, salt.
Shred the raw potatoes, wring out, add the flour, salt, pepper, eggs and mix. Shape the potato mixture into flat cakes. Place them in a heated skillet, put the stuffing on each flat cake and cover with potato mixture. Pry from both sides until a golden brown colour. Place in oven for some time.
Mushroom stuffing: 30 g dried mushrooms, 1 tblsp fat, 2 onions, 0.25 cupful mushroom stock, salt.
Sort the dried mushrooms, wash thoroughly and soak in cold water for 3-4 hours. Wash the soaked mushrooms once again and boil in the water in which they have being soaked for 1-1.5 hours. Take out the boiled mushrooms from the stock, wash and mince finely. Add the fried onions, mushroom stock and mix.
Meat stuffing: 400 g pork, 2 onions, 1 tblsp butter, onions browned in butter, salt, pepper. All the ingredients should be mixed.
Fish stuffing: 300 g fish fillet, 2 onions, 1 egg, 2 tblsps butter, pepper, salt.
Put the fish fillet through a mincer and fry. Saute the shredded onions. Mix the ingredients, add the minced eggs, pepper and salt.
Stuffing from eggs: 4 eggs, 1 onion, 1 tblsp butter, salt.
Hard-boil the eggs, remove the shells, mince finely, combine with fried onions and add the salt.

12 potatoes, 3 tblsps vegetable oil, fat, pepper, salt.
For stuffing: 400 g pork, 4 cloves garlic, pepper, salt.
Grate the raw potatoes and add the salt. Place the mixture in a very hot griddle and fry on both sides. Transfer the ready aładdzi to a saucepan greased with fat and alternate them with layers of pork forcement seasoned with salt, pepper and finely minced garlic. Then put the aładdzi in oven for 15 to 20 minutes.

4 potatoes, 100 g field mushrooms, 2 tblsps minced parsley, 4 tomatoes, 3 eggs, 6 tblsps meat stock, fat, salt.
Peel the potatoes, cut into chunks and boil in salted water for 10 minutes. Then drain water off and transfer the potatoes to a buttered griddle. Saute the minced mushrooms and parsley and put the mixture over the potatoes. Scald the tomatoes, remove the skin, slice them, remove the core and put on top. Mix the eggs with meat stock and pour onto the griddle. Bake in oven for 20 minutes.

5 potatoes, 1 vegetable marrow, 2 cupful sour cream, 3 tblsps vegetable oil, 1 tblsp shredded cheese, salt.
Cut the raw peeled potatoes into rings, add the salt and saute in butter. Prepare the vegetable marrows in the same way. Put the layers of potatoes and vegetable marrows in a buttered griddle, pour over with slightly salted sour cream, dust with shredded cheese and put in oven for half an hour.

4 potatoes, 200 g cottage cheese, 3 tblsps butter, 0.5 cupful sour cream, salt.
Grate the potatoes, pour the liquid off, add the cottage cheese, salt and mix. Put the mixture in a buttered skillet and transfer it to an oven for baking.
Cut the prepared bulbianka into pieces and pour over with melted butter mixed with sour cream.

8 potatoes, 150 g cheese, 1 cupful milk, 2 eggs, 1 tblsp flour, 1 onion, 3 tblsps butter, salt.
Mince the onion and saute in butter slightly. Mash the boiled potatoes, add milk, eggs, shredded cheese, flour, onion and butter. Mix everything and transfer to a deep skillet greased with butter. Smooth the mixture, sprinkle with butter and bake in oven. Serve the bulbianka with sour cream.

10 potatoes, 4 tblsps flour, 1 egg, 2 tblsps butter, salt.
Grate the raw potatoes, combine with flour, egg, salt and mix finely. Divide the mixture into small balls, put into boiling water and boil for 10 minutes. Then drain water off, season the mixture with butter and cook over a slow fire.

8 potatoes, 150 g cheese, 1 egg, 1 tblsp milk, 3 tblsps flour, 200 g salted pork fat, 1 onion, salt.
Boil the peeled potatoes and mash while hot. Then cool slightly, combine with egg, milk, flour, shredded cheese and shape into balls. Transfer the potato balls to a stoneware, add the salted pork fat cut into chunks and sauteed with onion, and bake in oven.

8 potatoes, 2 eggs, 4 tblsps melted fat, 3 tblsps flour, 3 tblsps bread crumbs, 4 tblsps sour cream, salt.
For stuffing: 400 g pork, 2 onions, 1 tblsp butter, pepper, salt.
Grate the raw potatoes, squeeze dry, add the eggs, salt, and mix. Shape the mixture into small balls, fill them with meat stuffing, roll in flour dip in the beaten egg, then toss in bread crumbs and fry slightly. Transfer to a pot, pour over with melted fat and stew until done. Pour oven with sour cream before serving.

8 potatoes, 400 g cottage cheese, 2 eggs, 2 tblsps flour, sugar, salt.
Peel the potatoes and boil, then dry slightly, mash, combine with flour, egg and salt. Shape the mixture into flat cakes with small deepenings. Fill the deepenings with cottage cheese stuffing, dip in the beaten egg and bake in oven.

8 potatoes, 2 eggs, 2 tblsps flour, fat, salt.
Combine the boiled, mashed and cooled potatoes with eggs, flour and salt and mix finely. Shape the mixture into flat cakes. Put the stuffing in the middle of each flat cake and roll into sausages, then dip in the beaten egg and bake in oven.
Cabbage and meat stuffing: 200 g fresh cabbage, 2 tblsps fat, 200 g pork put through a mincer, 1 onion.
Cut the cabbage finely, scald, drain in a colander, wring out and saute. Combine the minced pork with onion, mix and saute. Mix the cabbage and mince, add the salt and pepper.
Cabbage and onion stuffing: 200 g fresh cabbage, 2 onions, 2 tblsps fat, 100 g salted pork fat.
Prepare the cabbage as described above. Cut the salted pork fat into small chunks. Saute the minced onion. Mix everything and add the salt and pepper.
Mushroom and onion stuff ing: 20 g dried (40 g boiled) mushrooms, 1 onion, 100 g salted pork fat.
Boil the mushrooms (dried mushrooms should be soaked beforehand), mince them and fry with salted pork fat and onion.

10 potatoes, 400 g fresh mushrooms, 1 cupful sour cream sauce, 1 onion, garlic, melted butter, salt.
Wash the fresh mushrooms, cut up, fry in butter and pour over with sour cream sauce. Peel the raw potatoes, cut into large pieces and fry with onion. Then mix everything, put into a stoneware pot, dust with minced garlic and stew in oven until done.

12 potatoes, 2 cupful sour cream sauce with tomato, fat, greens.
For stuffing: 400 g beef, 1 onion, 1 tblsp pork fat, salt.
Peel the potatoes and scoop out the middle. Put the beef through a mincer, mix with browned onion and add the salt.

12 potatoes, 2 cupful sour cream sauce with onion, salt.
For stuffing: 400 g liver, 40 g salted pork fat, 1 onion, salt.
Boil the potatoes in their skins, peel and scoop out the middles. Slice the liver into thin bars, the onion in half rings and the salted pork fat into small cubes. Saute the ingredients, mix, add the salt and fill the hollowed potatoes with the stuffing. Then pour over sour cream sauce with onion mixed in and stew over a slow heat until done.

8 potatoes, 400 g fresh mushrooms, 3 onions, 1 tblsp flour, 0.5 cupful sour cream, fat, pepper, salt.
Boil the fresh mushrooms. Cut the potatoes into cubes, fry until half done and combine with mushrooms. Add the browned onions, some flour, salt, pepper to taste and sour cream, then mix everything and put to stew in oven for 5 to 10 minutes.

Belarus roadtrip part 1 - The home of cabbage

Anyway back to the dodgy stuff.

This weekend i can safely saw was the craziest weekend of my life (which has seen some unusual weekends) We did a roadtrip to Minsk, capital of Belarus, the last dictatorship in Europe. Its a kind of Eastern European version of North Korea, and is run by one 'uber oligarch' called Lukashenko. It's famous for its tractors, and, of course its wonderful cabbage. The problem with the cabbage though is that the trucks have to wait so long to fill in the forms and cross the border, its ruined by the time it gets out, so you have to go and eat it locally, when its in season (i think thats about springtime)

English is not widely spoken. And in the absence of cabbage, we didnt know what to order in the restaurant, as we couldnt read the menu in cyrillic (russian style) alphabet. This was the conversation

ALAN - 'Can i have a steak and chips'?
WAITRESS - 'Da horocho'
NIELS - 'maybe some lamb?'
JUSTIN - 'hmm im not sure, can you just pick something? maybe chicken?'
ALAN - 'And a bottle of Vodka spaseba'

5 Mins later the Vodka came. Great. Looked like we were in for a good dinner.
15mins later i got fish and chips (the main lake for fish in Belarus are beside nuked out Chernobul, great!)
30mins later, Niels got some lamb - result! just what he asked for...
35mins later, Justin ends up..'CAN YOU JUST PICK SOMTHING?' out came a place of hairy pig ears. He certainly did get pig something (picture)

The streets however are amazingly clean. Except that i got a nice photo of a gentleman sleeping drunk on the steps of the national hall of somthing pretty important. (thats a policeman coming to move him in the photo)

Monday, 7 June 2010

Great Lakes – Toronto, Niagra and Buffalo, and what happened to Tesostrorone in Canada?

The weather is beautiful, so a quick trip to US and Canada was in order. I have a business in Buffalo so i’ll be over there a fair bit this year. Buffalo is famous mainly for having a very poor American Football Team, the Buffalo Bills, and i suppose industry and engineering, as well as SUNY , whch is i think the citys biggest employer (State University of New York) Anyway, while its a city that actually grows on you, i don’t really recommend a visit unless you’re interested in high yielding real estate (cue a plug for ) or are visting nearby Niagra Falls (which is about 20mins outside the city)
Niagra falls is really two cities. The US side has one big high rise casino hotel , some defunct heavy industry, and quite bizzarely about 30 Indian Restaurants. All the tourists on this side seem to be Indian, I have no idea why. The US falls aren’t nearly as spectacular as the Horseshoe Falls on the Canadian side, but you can see both sides and from both sides get the ‘maid of the mist’ boat which packs tourists in to get up close to the falls every 10minutes (it’s about $25)
The Canadian side is more affluent with a whole bunch of Hotels, a kitchy main street, all the usual ‘Tony Romans’ and chains of steakhouses that you see in most tourist towns of USA, and 2 Casino hotels, one scabby one, and one quite nice one called Falls View – this also seems to be the best hotel, you can get a room with a great view of the Horseshoe falls, and there are some good restaurants. If you happen to be a Blackjack card counter, the Salon Prive has $100 minimum tables which are 6 deck and reasonably loose rules. (and thanks Fallsview Blackjack tables for funding my holiday this month) Anyway, here the rule of thumb is that the further away from the falls and Fallsview hotel you get, the cheaper it is.
All this is about 1.5 Hours from Toronto (And an hour from Hamilton, which has half a million people and could be a pleasant diversion if you’re REALLY bored.

The noticeable difference between Canadians and Americans are the people. Canadians are to Americans, like Austrians are to Germans – they speak (mostly) the same language and look the same, but Austrians (and Canadians) are just that bit more camp. Austrians are basically gay Germans (usually called Norbert, or of course Bruno, which is a sure sign) Canadians are basically metrosexual versions of Americans. That being said they are pretty friendly, and the waitresses don’t say ‘have a nice day’ or the classic of American insincerity that is when they say ‘enjoy’ when you get your meal.
In Niagra, id won $2500 from Blackjack so my brother was on my case to treat us to a posh hotel. So we stayed in ‘traveller hostel’ in Kensington market. Kensington market is the main ‘bohemian area’ of Toronto, up near Chinatown to the NW of the city centre – a great place to spend time actually, with some interesting bookshops and bars. Of course you get the usual 50 yr old skateboarders and guys busking with trombones, but the overall feel is much like Shoreditch(London) or Haight Ashbury (San Francisco)
Toronto can be pretty expensive, but there are lots of cheap Vietnamese and Chinese Restaurants in Chinatown. We went to a great one on the northwest corner of Spadina st and St Andrews St, it was busy but the quality was good. Basically traditional Vietnamese food except the meat was decent, i'm sure the chicken wasn’t cat and the beef mouse.

There are two Comedy clubs in Toronto. One is funny (yik yak), one is not funny (2nd City), so be careful to choose the funny one. The say Canada is famous for its comedy, but i must admit we went to ‘2nd city’ and it wasn’t funny. It was almost funny but remained too PC to actually make anyone laugh. You could rewrite the sketches and take out the political correctness and then i think you’d have a good show.

But that’s the one issue with Canada, they are a country of pussies. Seems all the Scots who weren’t angry went here, and that mixed with Asians (there must be 30% Asians in Toronto, more in Vancouver) Maybe it’s because they are a rich country with plenty of space and no real problems (in the same way that Norway is a country where the men are also all semi-gay) Luckily there are plenty of pretty girls there who i’m sure would appreciate a more masterful breed of man, so a repeat visit will be in order sometime if i remain single for much longer.

Anyway here are some cheesy photos of me (raking in bins) and my brother, and a hot dog seller. And Toronto - all the city photos are Toronto by the way, as its a lot more photgenic than Buffalo.