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Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Candidates for Euthanasia - 1

Nop i dont mean young people in China. I mean people who shouldnt really be alive annoying us.

We've all seen them. The guys you see, which you take one look and think 'thanks God im not that guy'.

At first thought you could say 'yeah lets just kill those guys, they dont serve humanity any purpose'  but WAIT. Hold on a minute there with your happy killing spree - These very guys are actually helping us, but serving as a stark warning  - were talking about the guys who you see who represent some kind of 'welcome to a possible future that you should avoid at all costs' moment. It is in fact possible that they dont really exist, that GOD SIMPLY PUT THEM THERE TO WARN US to avoid being that guy at all are some i just thought of while avoiding football on tv.

1. The Old freak in the youth hostel
Is it just me, or does every youth hostel have a resident old bore who has a grey ponytail and no money and talks and acts like an old woman all the time, and you kind of wonder, how the hell did this guy end up in such an awful state? Living his whole life travelling, but not enjoying it as he's sleeping in crappy bunk beds, and living on cabbage in the hostel kitchen. He always has some kind of 'visa problem' or somthing similar, and plainly isnt wise since hes paying a fortune to stay in a hostel when he could be in a similarly crappy bedsit - at least hed have his own kitchen that way. Why does he stay for months in youth hostels? does he think he will get some action with drunk 19yr old backpackers ? Well sure stranger things have happened but this guy goes to bed at 10pm so that cant be on the agenda.
This 'travellers warning guy' to me signifies the end of the road for someone whos travelled too long, and wakes up too late to the fact that actually in life you have to conside the idea of some kind of career (or at least a job Godammit)

2. The Uber Geek - We all seemed to go to school with one or two of these guys (if you dont know one, go to Finland or join a Gun club) Despite being succesful financially, he basically forgot about skills. He the guy who when you first meet him you dont really want to shake his hand becuase he looks like he mastrubates a lot. Despite being a millionaire, he is 43 and has never had a girfriend, mainly because women dont compute. Just think of a richer version of the guy in 'the machinist' who's best freind is the hooker he visits every time he can afford to. The moral of this story could be that a balanced life may well be in order, and if you ever feel yourself thinking that 'women dont really interest me as human beings' then go and hang out with one of these guys for 5 minutes (there are regular flights from most European cities to Helsinki) and you will find yourself so repulsed you'll be catapulted back to the real world of normal people.
One other way to meet them incidentally, if the Euthanasia route interests you is if for some reason they have a girlfriend. You can usually find she is hard up for good sex so you could ask her out for some rumpy pumpy and start leaving her sexy messages on the house phone. The guy who you read about in the newspaper next day who shot 12 people then himeself was her 'Uber Geek' boyfriend, you bastard.

3. The 'ladies man' - Certainly this species is alive and well in Eastern Europe. His thought process is 'I cant get laid in England so if i go to a poor country, then these girls will find me attractive'  Doh?!!! This Sex tourist in denial usually finds himself pestering waitresses and bartenders day and night, and after exhausting everyones patience starts whinging to anyone who will listen 'how awful the girls are here' . All time not noticing that he is actually cheap and boring and unattractive in every respect (the reason he actually cant get any, anywhere) . The inevitable next step to prop up his ego will be the 'sponsorship route' where he just resorts to paying girls to hang out with him (they try avoid sleeping with him of course, they arent hookers after all) So as the ultimate insult he ends up spending a fortune on Russian girls and still not getting any action.  (and still not getting the message) The best thing that can happen to this guy is that he goes broke, so then he gets his wakeup call. It is entirely possible that that is how men become no 1.

4. The Fat guy. Especially in Summer. Poor Bugger.

5. The guy whos wife is a slut. Yes we all know this pussy. He fell in love with her,and they got married, as she thought she'd love him eventually. But actually he loved her so much (and loved himself so little) that he ended up a total doormat and a pussy, to such an extent that his freinds have to make an agreement not to sleep with his wife, despite her grabbing your balls every time she sees you. Its pretty hard if shes hot, and inevitably the 'wife who is a slut' gets nailed by the odd 'ladies man' (no3) who's usually the most hard up guy in town, and with the least moral fibre, but more often with multiple random strangers in nightclub toilets when she's 'having a girls night out'  and the poor sod is at home looking after the kids (which may or may not be his own) Appreciated, there are always going to be 'Omega Males' but really- one look at this guys nervous demeanor and you dont want to be there. And best not to ask if shes married when your in that Club toilet.

Any more suggestions?


  1. Similar to #1 are the guys who move abroad to "find themselves" and get a job teaching English. They're usually skint and just loafing around like hippies.

    So which one are you? ;)

  2. im kinda bouncing between them all right now ;o)

  3. except the married guy part of course.

  4. You're not really fat either :P

  5. ah yeah, that was the 'bouncing' bit covered though ;o)