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Saturday, 27 February 2010


Well i think this is my favourite poem of all time, and definately my favourite Latin word. I'd like to think in a past life i shouted it as a Roman soldier while smashing the skull of a Turk.

Its Latin for 'unconquered' but i always think the poem is good to read if things are looking sketchy and you cant find a way up and out. And sure as hell beats sinking that bottle of Vodka ;o)

Here the background info on the author, William Ernest Henley


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Reasons why Estonia is better than England (but not Scotland) no 1 - NIGERIAN FRAUDSTERS AND SIERRA LEONIAN WARLORDS

The Liberian cannibal/Nigerian fraudster population of Estonia, is 0 (please correct me if im wrong here) while approximately 76% of the population of the bullshitters paridise of London are either cannibals or fraudsters.

Once i got a great phone call from a Sierra Leonian guy when i lived in London. There is a street of pretty big 2million pound houses in northwest London,I think it was Grove Avenue or somthing in NW7 if i remember correctly, which for whatever reason were once owned by the Sierra Leonian government and rented to warlords, embassy staff etc.. Funnily enough, when the shit hit the fan bck in Africa, as it invariably does, they all suddenly were owned by ex employees of the Embassy. Well all well and good for some time, but eventually the law was catching up on them, and things were getting a bit hairy for them, so they were trying to sell these two million pound houses for 300,000 pounds to anyone they could. Could have been the deal of the century, but i think legally you would lose it when the fraud squad caught up with them.

One house we checked, the government had actually ended up paying to house one ex cannibal warlord in there, and oddly enough had set him up with a job as a postman! i understand its to keep them from stirring up mischief back home. So as far as i know this guy is still there, in his 5 bedroom London mansion, posting letters. True Story!

Anyway, heres an unrelated story about what happened to their high commission (also scammed into oblivion ;o) haha )

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Estonian Independance

Today is Independance day in Estonia. i was reliably informed in the pub last night that this means a bunch of camoflagued lorries drive into the main square (in countries that are big enough to have an army this is called a 'military parade'. And a few Russians get sent to Siberia. So Estonia is 92 years old. About the same age as i'll be when i finally grow up and get married.

Anyway here are some photos of the snow, snow sculptures, and of Lily freezing to death.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Ayahuasca veterans ;o)

I wondered how the Ayahausca is working for the 'vets' out there from the trip? All well and good with the positive vibes within a few weeks, but now its been two months, it would be great to here some stories how people are coping back in the real world - how is it in relationships or freindships for example, do you feel people better? how to cope if yoou find yourself in the same old rut?

Although it seems like we were all at the best party in the world, the sad thing is no one else knows about it, and its pretty hard to describe satisfactorily in words as youve all im sure found out...

I personally am still getting some kind of 'direction' there strangely enough - for example im a lot more self aware - Im doing a lot more sport and am able to prioritise my life around positive things more easily. I can handle bad things more easily, and in conversation, my semi-autism seems to have lessened, and im aware how what i say may affect that person.

That said, im still going to hell ;o)

Its all about ZEN

So i've made a personal deadline that if my life doesnt become fulfilled in Estonia by end of September this year, i will move to Japan (and be unfulfilled there instead) i think living an unfulfilled life if you are as lucky as me is an enormous challenge, so i think i need to add to that by moving thousands of miles away from everyone i care for to a city where i know no one and no one speaks a word of English and the culture is totally crazy. There's something attractive about being messed up enough to do that. But i bet the sushi is great.

I've had many great and interesting adventures in Japan. I've fallen in lust with more than a few Japanese girls, I've swam to crazy islands in Okinawa, i've been to transvestite cabaret in red light Tokyo with drunk salarymen, ive done tea ceremony with my lost love, ive seen snow in Tokyo, and i've lived in capsule hotels, but the main thing with Japan is ZEN. Japan has to be the world capital of perfection. Perfect gardens, beautiful trees. Everything in its right place. Even mount Fuji is perfectly symetrical. It's also home to a different and more formal martial arts scene. More about Zen than actually fighting (which isn't much use if your in cardiff on a saturday night but still..)

One dream i have is to do the pilgrim trail, on one remote japanese island called Shikoku. You climb i beleive about 88 hills, and visit each temple. Then you still aren't a zen master. But youll definately lose your beer belly.

this is a really beautiful movie, i like especially the monkeys in the hot pools.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Cafe Moscva RIP

Well, it's still minus 10 here and as its permanently snowing, not much hope of any green grass in the next few months. I'll take some photos over the next few days,(these ones are a few weeks old) there are mountians of snow at the side of the roads, and massive snow sculptures in all the parks for children to play in/on. Quite beautiful, and really, Spring and Summer arent really required (although those who have been here for Jaanipaev(midsummer party) or men who visited the beach in summer may disagree)

Today i went to go for lunch at a Tallinn institution, Cafe Moscva (now called Kultus for tax reasons) but i found out on arriving that its gone bankrupt. I've come to the realistation that the economy in this part of the world isnt recovering any time soon (except for some reason the girls remain as always wonderful, smiling, juicy, and everything else that cheers up a man with a high libido in wintertime, in fact even more so) but that notwithstanding, it could be time for another long roadtrip.

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Cross Country Skiing

I tried cross country skiing for the first time last night. For all normal skiers, i recommend sticking to downhill. Cross country skiiing is basically making a sport out of the boring parts when you are on a flat peice on the way to the lift, you know the part skiers? when you get to the bottom and its flat and you have to push yourself along, which is the worst part of any downhill skiers day? Well thats cross country skiing - except with some uphill parts as well to make it less fun.

though to be fair it was a good workout.

Saturday, 13 February 2010


We approached a large flat topped mountain. A long long waterfall cascaded briliiantly off the cliffs, flashing a beautfiul rainbow. a group of squat buildings perched on the top, with a plaza in the middle, and a large building, dominating the square. As we touched down, i could see a large group of men, standing in front of the larger building, which must have used to have been a monastary of sorts. As i got out, i could see there were a few other gringos there too. What kind of people are these? tourists? I must have looked notacably nervous. I was surrounded by desperate looking flare wearing men who intented worshipping then killing my girlfreind, after all. I needed first to see her.

We were herded into one of the smaller buildings, which was a large dining hall. All the gringos were put on the same table. They looked a furtive bunch. I had to quiz the guy next to me 'how did you find out about it'? i asked the sick looking pervert, pretending i shared the same messed up ideas as him. 'yas im from ze amsterdam, we have a red hair club there. So i thought id see for myself' It was strange because he had reddish blonde hair himself. 'Nicolas' he introduced himself. 'So what part do you like the most?' i ventured. 'Vell, if the truth be told, its my first time, but i understand the girl this time is very beautiful.

I had to get X out of here alive.

We ate and drank, and the motely crue of foreign 'Rojos' chatted an joked and drank the wine...the roast pig was great, with rice and jalepenos, and the red wine was taking effect. i felt sleepy. I shouldnt have touched alcohol, but the cheesy dutch and german humour of the perverts, and the happy atmosphere...i'd let my guard down...

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

General Butt Naked and his Cross dressing Cannibal child soldiers !

Unbelievable. If you have a bad day at the office, watch this.

Cannibals, Slum brothels, and then General Rambo introduces General Butt Naked.

One day Africa will be the end of me, im sure of it.


So off i went onto the plane south, wind in my hair, bell bottoms swishing. I cursed as i caught them on the tiny planes door latch. I landed in the small town of El Dingo, famous for police brutality, disapearing local mayors, and oily food. From there i could hike to their HQ, or, using my undercover disguise, find a local member. My plan thus far was to join with some other bell bottoms, and make like a worshipper, so i headed to the local plaza de Bolivar (there's one in every Venezuelan town) Outside the church i saw milling a group of excited looking moustaches, bell bottoms flapping in the wind. I hadnt shaved for days, so i was getting a bit of a handlebar moustache going myself so i fitted in quite the thing. 'hola amigos' i piped up in my most freindly pidgin english. Where can i find the Goddess? (Imagination isn't my strong point) Ah, welcome Gringo. How do you find us? you are a foreign worshipper, we didnt see many of those, well alive at least. The obvious leader answered - a tall, uglier brother of Che Guavara. He glinted at me, his gold tooth shining in the hot sun. You may join us, we go today to the temple. But first, please join me for some Chai Latte in our members house, it seems to me you are new to our freindly society.

I was hamming up my acting as i jovially bounced into their members house, next to the church. What a scene. Pictures of John Travolta everywhere, along with famous red headed actresses over the years. Freaks.

We were seated in the cafe, a cool but basic affair. I suppose many a 'rojo' had sat here waiting his chance to worship a redhead. 'How did you know about us' snarled Che to me, his moustache now white from the froth of his latte. I noticed mine was already in front of me. I tried not to stumble here. I had it all planned out. 'I was in Merida' One man told me. Im a big fan of saturday night fever too. It didnt come out so well but i think he beleived me. He chuckled. Ahhh markus he is a good man. This confused me. 'you know Markus? the religious professor?' Che's eyes glazed over. Yes he looked at me with look that said not to ask any more questions.

Drink up. Lets go to the mountain. he drained his Chai Latte and wiped his moustache...confused and nervous, i furtively swished along behind him.

A large helicopter had landed in the square, and the men were boarding. i followed on and joined the team. As we sped across the country, i realised i wasnt prepared for what was about to happen. How the hell was i supposed to get X out of there? what if she didnt want to come? The surprise i was about to get would however put everything into perspective...

Tuesday, 9 February 2010


After a sleepless night, i turned up at the ice cream arlour the next morning, just before noon. Fat Markus was already there, licking some strangely coloured ice cream. A parcel sat on his table and his little wife sat giggling beside him. The cool tiled walls made the place welcoming from the wet heat outside.

Good morning, Y. He was in a jovial mood again, 'strange'i thought and shook his hand. I did some preparation for you, he chuckled. Small automatic weapon. He passed me across the Uzi. You know this works? israel special forces secret weapon. Small, compact, packs a shot. 'Ok' i nodded. i knew how to use it. Rope, matches, food, the other things you can buy on route. Heres a list. He passed it across. What was that large thing left? trousers? what do i want wit trousers in this heat? Markus looked at me and smiled. Y, you wlll go undercover. You may have noticed, the Roja. They all know each other from their from their distinctive sign. Some gangs use tattoos, some jewellery. We couldnt help but laugh, Maria and i...he opend up the kahki long trousers. BELL BOTTOMS? you must be kidding. hahahaha, he roared out laughing, like a mad divinity professor in the Venezualan Andes would. Yes, Y, you see Roja members pride themselves in their bell bottom trousers. This is how you can identify them and they each other. im not sure the origin of this habit but i understand it was connected to the original leaders fondness for 'Saturday night fever' back in the day. Anyway. Wear these and you will get places you wouldnt other. he was serious now but still smirking as he handed them over.

Finally heres a map. The guys have a gaurded town and temple complex on top of one of the tabletop mountains near the Brasilian border, Mount Roraima. Its not easy to get to, they normally fly, but you can climb it no problem....

Cursing i went to the bathroom and put on my flared khaki trousers. My pack on my back and my Uzi over my shoulder i sauntered out into the Venezuela heat, Markus and his wife cackling at my 70's look...'airport please' i asked the taxi driver.

Monday, 8 February 2010

After such a lovely break from alcohol, since December, this week has taken a pleasant lapse, resulting in a break from any creative activity such as inventing crazy stories. So i'll instead post a picture of me dressed as lady eating fish and chips.

After spending good time thrashing my brain to hell and back in the Peruvian jungle, i've decided to balance things out by returning to my old habit og thrashing my body to smithereens by going back to martial arts. Instead of the formal elegance of Karate, Thai boxing seems like just sheer bloody violence. It's fish and chips to Karate's Sushi, but what the hell after a month i'll be match fit again, and im even getting the better of some of the russian skinheads in the sparring.

ok back to warped stories next time...

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Shamanic Taxi Drivers and the MTHFUE

I randomly met a taxi driver the other day, who it seems is a member of the tiny Shamanic group in Estonia. There are some Navaho Indian Shamans coming to Estonia in summer, so Piote will be on the menu, anyone interested let me know. It was a great coincidence to meet this guy, as i hope now to meet people who are interested in pushing to make these things legal in EU.

i also heard from one Estonian photographer that Estonians cant be affected by Ayahuasca becuase they are too closed people, and they cant let go of bad energy (they are too fucked up basically) Anyone have any views on that? is it possible people cannot be helped? I propose starting a new movement. The Movement to Heal Fucked up Estonians. MTHFUE. We could get EU funding. And i think definately roll that out to Finland and Latvia (especially Finland)