Ayahuasca comes to Estonia

Is it just me, or has 'spiritualism' swept the western world ?

Some people might argue that it's just preparation for Dec 2012 when the world ends as we know it, but others, including me would say something like

'thats a lot of crap, made up by people playing flutes and wearing aqua, or with silly names like 'Storm' (like this girl) '  

Well, i haven't seen any actual Mayan experts saying anything bad about it, just a lot of ponytailed twats pontificating on youtube (like here )

Talking of which, Ayahuasca is again coming to Estonia this summer. Despite having no knowledge of the Equadorian Shaman, or indeed if it's a new age scam (it seems a bit dodgy to me) i think i'll do a 'top up' for one night, just to see how different it is to do it in Estonia, and not in a normal shamanic setting.

Probably this is similar to taking crack cocaine at a techno rave but hey..what the hell, it can only kill me...

I just watched an interesting film on the subject tonight, ( here ) which reminded me a lot about how lucky i was to do it with a decent bunch of shamans (blue morpho) who helped me birth my demons naturally, instead of using a backstreet abortionist like this guy seemed to.

Anyway, more on this later...its not until July the 1st, so i have a couple of weeks to continue enjoying the usual shallow pleasures,  before joining the real and nightmare world that exists inside all of us.

Ayahuasca , One Year On

Preparing the Laced Kool Aid

Just realising that today is one year since I took Ayahuasca in Peru, with Hamilton Souther and the  blue morpho team .

Totally unconnected photo, in Machu Piccu (which is also a great place, i wrote about it November 2009)

You can read about the experience here and if your brave enough, here . (theres a much longer version of it in this blog in the early December 2009 posts)

I was thinking, has it changed my life ? Are the effects permanent? For those who havent experienced it, Ayahuasca is a jungle vine, which is mixed with tree bark and drunk, in a seance like ceremony - basically traditonal Amazonian Shamanism. The aim is to spend a few days, ingesting the Ayahuasca, in special ceremonies, with the Shamans. The Shamans sing 'Icaros' which are gentle healing songs, and you get frightening visions, puke your guts up, get rid of all your bad energy, and hopefully have a life changing ephiphany (do you get non-life changing epiphanies?!!)

The Mighty Amazon, near Iquitos

There are many pretty badly run and less than genuine Ayahuasca 'experiences' for tourists in Peru, mostly in Iquitos , but some notable good ones and proper Shamans and so on, and price does not seem to be a good indicator of quality. The main thing to do is check around forums and so on for one that looks comfortable, as it seems different people find a place they like themselves, or get to know some Shamans out there in the jungle, if you are feeling brave.

Nightlife in Iquitos

Its a boom business now though, with everyone 'waking up' to themselves etc etc. , pretending to get rid of their Ego. However, joking aside, i'd recommend it as a truly life changing event. For sure, i had an ephiphany or two, and im sure my fellow travellers on that trip did also. But one year on, how does it feel?

The Promenade, in Iquitos

The more visual things have faded, like the 'wolf' who came into my life, doesnt hang out with me any more - I wonder, was he real or a construct of the 'medicine', or just my imagination? or is it that now my heart has hardened again and im not open or sensitive to the spirit world any more. I had some crazy times in the month after the 'Aya', coming to grips with a dive into the world beyond, and had some terrifying nightmares, too, if im honest, but now it all seems like a distant dream....

However, the medicine does seem to work on you in the background, deep in your core. Priorities in life change, your philosophy changes, you realise whats actually important in life, and what isn't. These kind of things stay with you forever. The only sad thing is when you come out and you see that no one else has changed - I can understand that though - what if a freind i'd known for 20 years suddenly started telling me they'd seen the light? that material possessions are irrelevent? that God has a plan for us all and not to worry too much?

The happy and content, and eminantly non-materialistic, Mr Shitty, of Iquitos, relaxing at home

Well its just as confusing coming out of this thing back to your old life (which in my own case is generally about making money) and realising that actually the money isn't really so relevant other than as a means to an end - But the Ayahuasca is strong. 3 weeks ago, I found myself locked out of my apartment one day, and i realised that there isnt a single thing in there that i really wanted, not a single thing. So profound a thing hadn't occurred to me before but anyway, for the first time in my life there was a temptation to simply walk away from it all, and keep walking...but of course I didnt, I packed a suitcase and went to USA, on business...so maybe another Ayahuasca tour is required, so i can end up happy as this guy..(who could forget mr Shitty, of Iquitos)

Ayahuasca Diaries, part 1

 I woke up in my iquitos hotel (hotel Maranon, very good for a jungle town) early after tossing and turning most of the night. I had had a great dinner the night before, at a restaurant called Fitzcaraldo (named after the film director), it was some really juicy fish kebab with chips, called plate Piscina de Amazona or somthing similar. I ended up dreaming of that dish a lot during the week ahead. I turned up at the blue morpho office at 8.30am odd, and met the others doing the tour, along with the American guy who runs the show. They looked mostly 'normal' people, although i did hear some conversations about 'spirits' and so on that sounded bizzare. I spoke to one pretty normal looking Aussie called Julian and one totally crazy but quite decent Ukrainian guy called Rolan, who was returning for the umpteenth time, he had a few interesting things to tell me about withccraft in Ukraine. There was also an American from Miami, Jesse who seemed pretty hyper but also had a few stories about seeing things and various psychic stuff. he was obsessed with what people put in their bodies, which i think is perfectly plausible if you live in USA where all the food tastes of plastic.

Anyway, after a few hours we went to the camp. I was a bit disappointed as it was only about an hour (55km) outside Iquitos so wasnt fully in the virgin jungle. Seems the previous camp they had was 200km up the river, right in the heart of the jungle. So there were no jaguars, monkeys or dangerous animals about, or cannibals unfortunately.

The people were a broad mix. One woman who looked like shed had chemotherapy for cancer, a few pretty weird looking guys, a few normal looking ones, a couple of cute Eastern European girls, but not really any total new age fruitcakes (thank God)

The centre is run by an American, Hamilton Souther, and the main local Shaman, Don Alberto, along with a local manager Johnny who seems superefficient, an intern Mags who is Scottish but has an English accent (read public school Scot) and an English guy who is the apprentice Shaman, called Chris, who looks like the guy from heavens Gate cult and was previously a psychic. Apart from that he seems quite decent.

The first activity once we dumped our stuff into these bare bones jungle huts, was to go to jungle to 'meet the trees' that we would be eating/drinking in the Ayhuasca sessions and the shamanic diet (see photo). we were encourtaged to hug them, talk to them and introduce ourselves. There were 11 out of the 30 people who were coming for the second or more time, who seemed to keen to. Alarm bells started to ring a bit when i was the only person who thought that this is a silly idea. I nodded to them for good form but didnt get involved in such nonsense.

Then all the barks were described to us, together with how they appear as spirits durig Ayhuasca sessions. ie one appears as a native warrior, one as an anaconda, one as headless giant etc.. This made me even more skeptical of this drug - seems strange how what is essentially DMT can have exactly the same effect on everyone.

i got the feeling here that all this talk about spirits in the camp was just part of sone kind of mass hypnosis thing combined with the drugs, but right now i havent taken the ayhuasca yet so lets wait and see.

Tonight ive started the 'shamanic diet' , where the Shamans sing an Icaro (its a weird song that summons the spririts, like using an amazonian Uija board ;o) i drank a revolting drink with 8 typres of tree bark in it, and for the next week i will not use soap, toothpaste,deoderant, shampoo etc. and will eat a totally plain bland diet that consists only of a really bony and nasty tasting fish, chicken (on alternate meals) with boiled rice and baked plantin (disgusting) and a really horrible yellow drink which is some kind of grass with water, to give me some calories. There is no salt, oil, flavours, or condiments of any kind. Also on 5 of the 7 days at the camp we fast after lunch, before taking the Ayhuasca. We arent allowed to meet people from the outside or even touch anyone (except you can shake hands with the 2 shamans) They also say no sunbathing as you dont have any energy from this diet obviously and you dont have any salt in you to sweat.

Tomorrow is the first Ayhuasca session, and im now looking forward to it whehter it does affect my life or not.

Day 2
In the morning, one of the girls in the cabin said she heard growling beside her bed last night (Mags said you could hear 'spirit jaguars'. I personally dont beleive it. When its raining humingbirds wait in the eaves of the huts, so i think its them she heard.) But it just shows you how everyone (except me) is thinking. Well i must be missng something. The shamanic diet started today. 11 of the 30 are doing it, mostly people who've done this a lot but including 2 other new people plus me. everyone is saying how brave we are but in all our cases its just that we are totally ignorant and have no idea what we are in for.

Breakfast is rice with 3 hard boiled eggs. No milk or coffee etc is allowed, no salt etc of course. The best thing to do is to mash up the eggs and put them in the rice, and try to eat it that way. It doesn't taste of much, pretty flavourless. Lunch was a burnt piece of chicken with rice and a fast for dinner before the first Ayhuasca ceremony. At 5pm we have to drink another drink from the fermenting bottle of this nasty tasting tree bark which according to the Shamans, 'gets the tree spririts to come and live permanently in my body to keep me healthy' See, who needs doctors? ;o) Again this sounds like as plausable as Santa Claus but anyway lets see...

All the talk in the camp is about visions and spirits and people being possessed. The scary thing is everyone seems to beleive it except me. These people sound like the kind of people you get on these ghost programmes when they basically scare the shit out of each other when all they actually hear is a bump which is the neighbours cat (have you ever seen a ghost on most haunted?? have you?!!!)

At 8 will be the Ayhuasca, in a special large hut called the ceremonial house. There are 6 toilets for 30 people, 2 showers, and everyone has a mattress, a basin to be sick in, a cup of water to gargle away the taste, or to wash the face/mouth, a roll of toilet roll, and a pillow and blanket as it seems its normal to stay there most of the night. I can see that this stuff definately has a strong effect on people (by the crazed look in the veteran psychonauts eyes mostly) but whether it will just be this dmt chemical giving me crazy dreams, or whether it is 'spirits' lets see. Since many of the 'head spirits' appear as specific people/creatures then it will be a good way to prove it as such. At least im finding out the hard way, through my own experience, so i can look a pro/con person in the eye after this and state what really happens.

Its really hot and sweaty here, made even worse by the Shamanic diet, and i need to shower in the cold water (there is no electricity here or hot water)about 4 times a day.

Post Ayhuasca

Well i got back to Iquitos yesterday afternoon. i slept one hour on the last night, as our Shamanic diet was breaking at 6am, and even though the last Ayhuasca ceremony finished offically at 12midnight, it keeps coursing through your veins keeping you from sleeping all night. Any time i tried to sneak some sleep i got an electric shock and quivered like a fish so i stayed concious all night. Back in iquitos, I had a doze at 7pm, and when i woke up again it was daylight (this morning) I was exhausted. Im still trying to come to terms with what was the most insane and extreme week of my life. I made a diary to keep me in touch with reality and the rational world, i'll put it in here now.
I lost a stone and look like i just got out of Belsen. The orgnistation of the trip was very good. The main man in Blue Morpho, hamilton souther, is a pretty decent and personable guy, and spent a fair time explaining the scene and talking through the philosophy and helped make sense of what was happening. i puked and had diarea, for Scotland. I was definately in the top 10% of pukers, even 'doubling up' the first night puking and shitting at the same time (which seems entirely normal in the context) i beleive there were those who shit their pants, or shit in the shower. All seems normal in the chaos that is an Ayhuasca ceremony. Ok, ill begin the journal with the next post - its just as i wrote it at the time, and i understand more about it now, but its better, dear reader to take you through the journey as it happened...

Meanwhile heres a photo of me, David and justin, just before the last Ayhuasca ceremony (note puke bowl on left!) and also me eating my first steak this morning!!!! I like that nice christmas uniform of the yellow rose of texas staff :o)