Post Ayhuasca

Well i got back to Iquitos yesterday afternoon. i slept one hour on the last night, as our Shamanic diet was breaking at 6am, and even though the last Ayhuasca ceremony finished offically at 12midnight, it keeps coursing through your veins keeping you from sleeping all night. Any time i tried to sneak some sleep i got an electric shock and quivered like a fish so i stayed concious all night. Back in iquitos, I had a doze at 7pm, and when i woke up again it was daylight (this morning) I was exhausted. Im still trying to come to terms with what was the most insane and extreme week of my life. I made a diary to keep me in touch with reality and the rational world, i'll put it in here now.
I lost a stone and look like i just got out of Belsen. The orgnistation of the trip was very good. The main man in Blue Morpho, hamilton souther, is a pretty decent and personable guy, and spent a fair time explaining the scene and talking through the philosophy and helped make sense of what was happening. i puked and had diarea, for Scotland. I was definately in the top 10% of pukers, even 'doubling up' the first night puking and shitting at the same time (which seems entirely normal in the context) i beleive there were those who shit their pants, or shit in the shower. All seems normal in the chaos that is an Ayhuasca ceremony. Ok, ill begin the journal with the next post - its just as i wrote it at the time, and i understand more about it now, but its better, dear reader to take you through the journey as it happened...

Meanwhile heres a photo of me, David and justin, just before the last Ayhuasca ceremony (note puke bowl on left!) and also me eating my first steak this morning!!!! I like that nice christmas uniform of the yellow rose of texas staff :o)

EN EL INFIERNO VERDE!

I Will be offline for the next nine days, as ill go deep into the jungle and there is no electricity there...i'll take pics with my disposable camera. And write a diary of my descent into madness from this Amazonian heart of darkness....

I'm actually quite nervous about this Ayhuasca, as its pretty strong stuff from what i can gather. But thats life - like a rollercoaster, if it's not a wee bit scary somtimes then it wouldnt be any fun ;o) Adios til after 9 days!


(kaye, mum, dont worry im kidding, im in kilmarnock, i'll jump on the bus and be home for tea)

Iquitos

Iquitos is a place that has grown on me a bit. Being totally isolated in the middle of the Amazon jungle, 90% of the people are basically trapped here, no matter what happens, and now that times are tough it seems that 90% have no choice but to hustle for a living, selling chewing gum, cigarettes, or their bodies. i noticed that a sign that you are rich here means you can afford shoes or spectacles. If you are super rich, you have a car (very rare).

The population is around 400,000, which makes it the biggest city that cannot be reached by road (and never will) so it makes it a freindly and safe place - the criminals would have nowhere to go exactly, unless the green inferno surrounding them.

Its hot here, and steamy, and there is always one smell or another. I went to a club last night and made the cardinal error of ordering a vodka with red bull - $10 !!! I guess it has to be flown in so any remote luxury is super expensive. fish and turtle and alligator is cheap.

There seems to be a pretty nasty bunch of Gringos living here too, judging by the stuff written around - check this out, sounds like the comments on baltic business news! - http://www.dawnontheamazon.com/blog/2007/04/17/is-gerald-mayeaux-the-iquitos-scoundrel/ seems this american guy is hated! he owns the yellow rose of texas bar and restaurant - i went there today actually as i thought the menu looked ok, but they didnt serve me after 30mins so i went to some local joint for God knows what from the jungle but it was quite tasty.

I noticed i see the same faces all the time here. The gringos are either 1. ponytailed arseholes, here for some psuedo eco reason. 2. 60 year old perverts here for 16yr old prostitutes. or 3. cute nieve little english chicks here as volunteers for some orphanage or another, surrounded by hoards of local guys kissing their arses all the time. or 4. Ayhuasca tourists who could be any/all of the above, or worse. Thats scary, i wonder where i fit in there :o)

Anyway, here are some photos of the city - the city, the slums, where i like to hang out (and which is pretty much the whole city haha)and the river which becomes the Amazon. The main square is quite pretty and normal looking, with a steel building designed by Gustav Eifel of the tower fame, and there are some really beautiful decrepit old colonial mansions, which belonged to the rubber barons (the reason for Iquitos existance) and now are largely dilapidated.

Ayhuasca, Oi!

The main event in this holiday is a 9 day ‘shamanic workshop’ in the middle of the Amazon, which starts on Monday. ( http://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/0603/features/peru.html ) I will be in the same place as events took place in the classic banned in every country video nasty, ‘Cannibal Holocaust’ ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibal_Holocaust and you can watch it via wwww.surfthechannel.com ) which is a pretty mental film, I recommend watching it. The director i beleive even went to court to prove that it wasn’t a snuff movie…well anyway its an isolated camp in the middle of the jungle with no electricity. I’ll go without oil, salt, coffee, tea and all normal food for 9 days, where I will be in isolation and not be able to even touch anyone, and indulge in 5 sessions of Ayhuasca, which is a tea made from a jungle vine and a plant, and which induces vomiting and hallucinations. Its said that everyone who takes it meets a little old green woman, who is the forest god, and also a giant snake. ( http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x39tss_ayahuasca-the-snake-and-i-english-1_politics )
If you allow the snake to eat you then you gain enlightenment. Personally I’m a total skeptic on these things, as you can gather, but I also believe you can only critizise something that you have experienced, so here goes (i've even gone and got my first ever skinhead since i wont be using such trendy modern crap as soap, shampoo or toothpaste over the next 9 days - maybe im missing something, is this why Estonian men do the same? Is the male population of Mustamae all in a state of permanent enlightenment?). I’m increasingly thinking to myself what an idiot I am for putting myself through this shit but hey what the hell

I do wonder what the other people will be like at this camp. There are I think 10 others. I’m hoping some cute chicks but I’m not holding my breath as cute chicks don’t generally go for hardcore self deprivation. I’m guessing a crossection of nutjobs, ex hitmen, and people with serious issues, all of whom I intend to avoid like the plague. I’m hoping against hope there are no self absorbed aroma therapists who play bongo drums, or spritual outreach craft workers, although they will be funny to take the piss out of at least. It might be fun to kidnap them actually. I must discuss this option with the local Indians.

I haven’t taken any malaria tablets because this 9 day thing means I cant take anything like that, as well as no alcohol, sex, or drugs for one month after, and no pork for 6 months (I’m not sure why on this - does it temporarily turn you jewish?) I’ve been flying over the jungle now for 30mins and all I can see is jungle as far as the horizon - what pricks are talking about disappearing Amazon? There is plenty of this green inferno left, I can tell you. Near where I will be, I believe are some of the last uncontaced tribes in the world. It would be funny if they actually were cannibals like in the film. Its basically about the remotest place on earth so don’t expect me to be answering your email any time soon.

Machu Piccu

An amazing $190 of package tourist heaven. Fair do's these guys know how to fleece Gringo, but it also means its not busy which is great. Its a pretty impressive site (understatement of the year!), straight out of Lord of the Rings, you can imagine Aragorn turning up and killing some Orcs. There is even a long stair/ladder up to the ruins on the far mountain where a few people die falling down as its a tough climb, just like the that at Cirith Ungol.

Its one of those few places in the world with a real 'magic' feel to it. You can just imagine Incas cruising around doing their normal things like stargazing, worshipping aliens, and having sex with their favourite llamas.

I'd like to come again one day - there is a pass you can enter by at the top, so you turn a corner at sunrise, and bang, there it is.

The site is between the gateway to the jungle, and the mountains, hence its location. If you go further into the jungle you can find another ruin which was the Incas last stand against Manuel and his pals from Barcelona (who had guns).

There were lots of stupid looking Llamas which made it very satisfying to eat Llama and chips afterwards (i avoided the 'genuine inca experience' and stayed clear of the llama bordello). I'm glad God made the most tasty animlals stupid looking (like chickens, prawns, salmon, cows, pigs and llamas) so you know 100% that the guy you are eating isnt missing out on much there.

My internet here is really slow so ill download more good pics later. in the photo though, if you turn your head, you can see the image of the Inca king in the mountain. And if you look at the smaller hill, its in the shape of a Condor. They also just found a few months ago pre inca ruins undrneath these ones, so this place was important long before. I have my own theories of course.....

rant about fake 'ethnic' trustafarians

The problem with poor countries with remotely interesting cultures or histories is that it attractes hordes of middle class tools who think that dressing in stripey trousers, wearing funny hats and growing beards and talking about 'indigenous people' will make them cool. If you are reading this, you are not cool people. You should get a job. You dont do any favours to the cultures you're pretending to be interested in except that you bring money to the economy because you buy drugs from them. So please cut your ponytail off and stop pretending to meditate on pyramids becuase no one beleives you. You are Charlitans, one and all and you arent even good at guitar or paan pipes ;o) I beleive we could make a country for fake 'ethnicarians' There is a part of Chad which is totally ethnic, and has not enough people. If all you guys go there and 'chill' with each other, then you could leave these poor countries alone and just send them money. And you could juggle and sell rubbish beads to each other.

swedish girls read this

Swedish/ and 1/4 finnish girls. I got back quite late, we ended up in a minivan, so i only got to Km0 at about 10.30 ish. So i didnt see you there, they others were just leaving too and i didnt stay long as i was knackered and the Andean pan pipe players from hell were playing - i left the spanish CD's with a swedish barmaid called Sara so go there or email her on kymanisarah@hotmail.com and they are with her, along with my address to post them back.

Good to meet you today, by the way. Make sure and look after Matilda so her leg doesnt fall off :o)