INVICTUS

Well i think this is my favourite poem of all time, and definately my favourite Latin word. I'd like to think in a past life i shouted it as a Roman soldier while smashing the skull of a Turk.

Its Latin for 'unconquered' but i always think the poem is good to read if things are looking sketchy and you cant find a way up and out. And sure as hell beats sinking that bottle of Vodka ;o)

Here the background info on the author, William Ernest Henley

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Reasons why Estonia is better than England (but not Scotland) no 1 - NIGERIAN FRAUDSTERS AND SIERRA LEONIAN WARLORDS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmrkTi3EHq

The Liberian cannibal/Nigerian fraudster population of Estonia, is 0 (please correct me if im wrong here) while approximately 76% of the population of the bullshitters paridise of London are either cannibals or fraudsters.

Once i got a great phone call from a Sierra Leonian guy when i lived in London. There is a street of pretty big 2million pound houses in northwest London,I think it was Grove Avenue or somthing in NW7 if i remember correctly, which for whatever reason were once owned by the Sierra Leonian government and rented to warlords, embassy staff etc.. Funnily enough, when the shit hit the fan bck in Africa, as it invariably does, they all suddenly were owned by ex employees of the Embassy. Well all well and good for some time, but eventually the law was catching up on them, and things were getting a bit hairy for them, so they were trying to sell these two million pound houses for 300,000 pounds to anyone they could. Could have been the deal of the century, but i think legally you would lose it when the fraud squad caught up with them.

One house we checked, the government had actually ended up paying to house one ex cannibal warlord in there, and oddly enough had set him up with a job as a postman! i understand its to keep them from stirring up mischief back home. So as far as i know this guy is still there, in his 5 bedroom London mansion, posting letters. True Story!

Anyway, heres an unrelated story about what happened to their high commission (also scammed into oblivion ;o) haha )

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1233083/Playboy-lord-accused-conning-stars-12million.html

Estonian Independance

Today is Independance day in Estonia. i was reliably informed in the pub last night that this means a bunch of camoflagued lorries drive into the main square (in countries that are big enough to have an army this is called a 'military parade'. And a few Russians get sent to Siberia. So Estonia is 92 years old. About the same age as i'll be when i finally grow up and get married.

Anyway here are some photos of the snow, snow sculptures, and of Lily freezing to death.

Ayahuasca veterans ;o)

I wondered how the Ayahausca is working for the 'vets' out there from the trip? All well and good with the positive vibes within a few weeks, but now its been two months, it would be great to here some stories how people are coping back in the real world - how is it in relationships or freindships for example, do you feel people better? how to cope if yoou find yourself in the same old rut?

Although it seems like we were all at the best party in the world, the sad thing is no one else knows about it, and its pretty hard to describe satisfactorily in words as youve all im sure found out...

I personally am still getting some kind of 'direction' there strangely enough - for example im a lot more self aware - Im doing a lot more sport and am able to prioritise my life around positive things more easily. I can handle bad things more easily, and in conversation, my semi-autism seems to have lessened, and im aware how what i say may affect that person.

That said, im still going to hell ;o)

Its all about ZEN

So i've made a personal deadline that if my life doesnt become fulfilled in Estonia by end of September this year, i will move to Japan (and be unfulfilled there instead) i think living an unfulfilled life if you are as lucky as me is an enormous challenge, so i think i need to add to that by moving thousands of miles away from everyone i care for to a city where i know no one and no one speaks a word of English and the culture is totally crazy. There's something attractive about being messed up enough to do that. But i bet the sushi is great.

I've had many great and interesting adventures in Japan. I've fallen in lust with more than a few Japanese girls, I've swam to crazy islands in Okinawa, i've been to transvestite cabaret in red light Tokyo with drunk salarymen, ive done tea ceremony with my lost love, ive seen snow in Tokyo, and i've lived in capsule hotels, but the main thing with Japan is ZEN. Japan has to be the world capital of perfection. Perfect gardens, beautiful trees. Everything in its right place. Even mount Fuji is perfectly symetrical. It's also home to a different and more formal martial arts scene. More about Zen than actually fighting (which isn't much use if your in cardiff on a saturday night but still..)

One dream i have is to do the pilgrim trail, on one remote japanese island called Shikoku. You climb i beleive about 88 hills, and visit each temple. Then you still aren't a zen master. But youll definately lose your beer belly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YG9P7JWtxhw

this is a really beautiful movie, i like especially the monkeys in the hot pools.

Cafe Moscva RIP

Well, it's still minus 10 here and as its permanently snowing, not much hope of any green grass in the next few months. I'll take some photos over the next few days,(these ones are a few weeks old) there are mountians of snow at the side of the roads, and massive snow sculptures in all the parks for children to play in/on. Quite beautiful, and really, Spring and Summer arent really required (although those who have been here for Jaanipaev(midsummer party) or men who visited the beach in summer may disagree)

Today i went to go for lunch at a Tallinn institution, Cafe Moscva (now called Kultus for tax reasons) but i found out on arriving that its gone bankrupt. I've come to the realistation that the economy in this part of the world isnt recovering any time soon (except for some reason the girls remain as always wonderful, smiling, juicy, and everything else that cheers up a man with a high libido in wintertime, in fact even more so) but that notwithstanding, it could be time for another long roadtrip.

Cross Country Skiing

I tried cross country skiing for the first time last night. For all normal skiers, i recommend sticking to downhill. Cross country skiiing is basically making a sport out of the boring parts when you are on a flat peice on the way to the lift, you know the part skiers? when you get to the bottom and its flat and you have to push yourself along, which is the worst part of any downhill skiers day? Well thats cross country skiing - except with some uphill parts as well to make it less fun.

though to be fair it was a good workout.