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Thursday, 22 September 2011

Tokyo, Part 1. Transvestite Cabaret and other mainly food related Japanese Perversions

They can't put a woman in a photo without dressing her as a schoolgirl, nun, or a silly doll

One of my most surreal moments in Tokyo was one time with dear Yuki, Kanazawas most beautiful nurse, and we ended up in a red light district in Shinjuku, Tokyo, sat down at a table and watched blind drunk salarymen drool over transvestites dancing and singing in some kind of pantomime, then one of the salarymen decided to tip up the whole table full of drinks, and so they all spend the next 20 minutes, sternly and politely (but so drunk they were dribbling) cleaned up the whole mess themselves.
Im not sure how this Japanese childrens clothes shop wen't down in Ethiopia

Anyway, this is the wonder of Tokyo.

I dont really know where to start to explain the insanity that is Tokyo, so since its breakfast time, lets start with the food.

Tokyo I understand there are well over 100 Michelin Starred Restaurants. And from some of the prices you would think they all are. But generally food is both good quality, tasty, diverse, healthy, and caters for all tastes and budgets.

I was once at a private restaurant club where the waitresses were all Japanese speaking Russian models, we had our own chef (who dutifully killed the seafood in front of us) and for some reason Jude Law was there having a drink at the bar. But my business partner paid, I don't think I would want to see that bill and I don't recommend you go there. Just don't be surprised by ANYTHING in this city, even if the food starts talking to you.

There are a few things i do recommend foodwise

1. Katsu Curry. This is Japanese fast food. You can't beat it, seriously. Breadcrumbed Pork (or Pok if you are Japanese and can't pronounce 'r') boiled rice, pork, and brown japanese curry sauce. There are loads of cheap Katsu Curry joints all over Japan and are just the ticket if your broke, and hungry, and want some free water.

2. Kobe Beef. The king of beef. If you go to Kobe, its about 50 Euros for a plate of real Kobe beef, which i'm afraid makes American pretend Kobe ($100 a pop) beef taste like MacDonalds. As usual the locals keep the best stuff for themselves. All over Japan though, Wagyu beef is quite amazing and will ruin you for steaks for the rest of your life.
This was a lunch of Kobe Beef which we cooked ourselves and random seafood. All for 50 Euros

3. Whale meat. Ok ok i've discussed this, and although it's actually nothing special to taste, I suggest to taste it one time when in Japan, if anything just to sock one to the ignorant po-faced idiots who would criticise you for it back home.

4. Turtle. Can you imagine that you just cut up your scrawniest friend and started eating his spinal column? Well thats a bit like what sea turtle tastes like. As a foreigner i was forced to eat the heart (quite tasty) and had the fun of watching the chef kill the poor thing, pour his blood out in a cup (which we drank with saki) and pulverise into something we were supposed to eat. I had to get so drunk to eat this that I met a Japanese girl who spoke fluent Gaelic, got lost walking home and woke up on a park bench, then woke up again on a sofa in my hotel reception, but miraculously kept the whole healthy thing down.

You also eat the shell, which is full of the stuff that they make botox from, and so im assumng is very good for your skin.

You can watch the chef dancing with this fine creature here

5. Shabu Shabu. Its called this because you get this thin meat, and 'swish' it in the hot fat/sauce and voila! its cooked and tasty, and it probably made a kind of 'shabu shabu' noise.

6. Tempura, Sushi, and Japanese noodle bars. These are more like the Japanese food you would see all over the world. To be honest, you may as well just forget it, you can get the same stuff (not as nicely made admittedly) all over.

7. European Food. This is actually pretty funny. I suppose it must be like a chinese person getting chicken chow mein from the local takeaway, or an Indian guy getting Tikka Masala (a dish invented in Croydon if i'm not mistaken) It looks like pizza/pasta/fish and chips, and it kind of tastes like it. But somehow in the teleportation, something is different. It's actually never very nice but still its worth doing once just to say 'yea i had a mexican last night' to throw people off the fact your'e in Tokyo. Sadly Macdonalds still tastes the same.

Green Tea Ice Cream is popular, but disgusting. Especially if you make it into a hamburger (this is in Kyoto)

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