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Thursday, 23 June 2011

The Style Merchants of Kiev

The first thing you notice when you get to Kiev, after you've crossed the bridge into town across the river, with the beautiful golden spires of the city in the distance, and after you notice how the women are certainly the worlds most beautiful.....The first thing you notice is that all the men seem to have bought all their clothes from the charity shops of Dortmund and Sardinia.

Last night, i wasn't allowed into the club, because my shoes weren't right. So we took some photos of the shoes that 'were' right....
My not acceptable shoes on the left, with a selection of Kievs finest
So today i have a task to find a nice pair of blue suede slip ons or white crocodile skin pointy toed numbers. Then i'll get in....


Trying to find the cheapest and nastiest footwear in the whole country
It was a tough struggle but i managed to buy a rather offensive pair of white pointed leather slip-on shoes. They were like 1970's golf shoes gone mad.  Needless to say, after that i swanned into any bar or club i wanted to, with local ladies swooning at my (white and pointy) heels.

What really gets my goat is - why don't any of the guides tell you about the 'awful shoes' rule in Kiev? Guys, don't even think about turning up here with Timberlands or normal shoes, it's just not going to cut it. If you want to really get into the vibe, a cream suit and a manbag also helps.

I'm glad this blog at least is doing some service by warning people about this local cultural nuance.

Brothers in Arms - me with my new 'Ukraine style' beside some random Ukranian who takes this type of footwear seriously.

Ok, so as for the feel of the city, its changed a lot over the past 5 years, for the better or worse. Back then, the only guys who spoke English were the Mafia and the Hookers, and a Manbag held your gun. but now the city's cleaned its act up and has, like Tallinn back in 2004, become a haven it seems for 2nd rate western men looking to score the woman of their dreams. Amusingly, this was exactly what was happening last night in Vodka Bar (if you don't believe me about the people check this )  where some black DJ guy was up on the stage, acting like a superstar, and telling all the girls he was from .....York. No, not New York, (which would have impressed drunk 18 year olds i'm sure) but. York. In Yorkshire. Fortunately for him, I think the locals considered the two to be similar.

Ok...i'll do a proper report on Kiev after the holiday, now its time to shoot AK47's, go to Chernobil and play Poker with the local Mafiosi (oh, and visit lots of medeival churches of course)

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