The Spirit of Adventure - Ukraine, Moldova...and Trans-Nestria

What I love about traveling are the daily interactions with random strangers, especially the experience of how people treat other people in a position of vulnerability. Last night, when driving home from a cave monastery in deepest (read African level roads) Moldova, I scraped the rental car off a giant kerb at a petrol station in the middle of nowhere, and got a puncture. Sure, the rental company took complete advantage today, and blamed me for all sorts of other fictional scratches (and suddenly the insurance doesn't work anymore and no one remembers how to speak english except the words 'problem' and 'money')

 But, to take the silver lining from the cloud, that night as i drove off cursing, some complete random stranger flagged me down as I trundled along the track, told me I had a puncture (which we hadn't noticed at all) and fixed it in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, just like that. I have no idea who he was, and never will, but that, i'd prefer, to be my memory of the incident, rather than goons trying to do me over, which sadly is often the foreign view of Eastern Europe.

In Ukraine it was the same - a very kind random couple, went out of their way to help me find the 'secret' bus ticket office, to buy the bus ticket from Odessa to Kiev. It was no easy matter, I can tell you, even for them. It's an endearing part of being in post-soviet countries. People are expected to just 'know' this kind of thing - no adverts, no info. and certainly no english.

Anyway, such is the fun and the spirit of making random trips. Good souls can make your day, and goons can ruin your life, but all in all, it's the same the world over, and thats what keeps a mans faith in humanity.

Trans-Nestria, the infamous non-country east of Moldova, was, i'm afraid, a washout. It was totally safe. No big nuclear weapons auctions. No post-soviet ghost town. No armed guards at every corner demanding bribes and passports. Perhaps the guys who tell of having problems there are simply dickwads. We filled in the form, paid about $1 for the mini-bus from Chisinau (the capital of Moldova) stopped at a kind if kiddy-on checkpoint/border crossing, showed the passports, went to Bender Fortress (a giant castle, with a quite interesting history among various battles between Swedes, Ottomans, an Russians) got a bus to the capital, Tiraspol, ate a pizza for about a dollar. Took a photo of Lenin (the only soviet thing we found), got bored after realising...ah thats it then, and went home to Moldova. So its basically like a Narva with less blonde people.

Eastern Europe is full of honest, good people. Its just than none of them are in the government. Nations of lions are led by inept corrupt donkeys. Road needs fixed? pocket the money. Your people need schools? Build a football stadium. Not enough hospitals? Buy some new limousines for the cabinet. Welcome to Eastern Europe, Africas role model...

Next move, is an overnight train, tonight, to Kiev, then the long flight east. We had a 5.7 richter earthquake two nights ago here in Chisinau (a lovely but boring city, by the way) my rudely built building wobbled like it was made of cardboard, but fortunately just for a few seconds. Thank God Tokyo is built to withstand these things...

Kiev tips and Pointers (and pointy shoes)

Kiev really wasn't what i expected though. It's changed a lot from the wild east days - hardly anyone packs a piece here anymore. (I do wonder where the 'every man has a gun' cutoff is nowadays...maybe Uzbekstan?..theres a thought for another story. It used to be anywhere east of Poland)  So here you basically have a normal emerging market with normal young people who, despite some serious dress sense issues, are quite ok, have dropped the 'uberspud' mobster role models, and want to look outwards at the world with a smile.

Getting there

Get the bus from the airport, its quite easy so i don't have to explain it. It takes you to the main train station at the edge of the centre - you can walk, get a cab, or metro from there where you need to go. (taxi from airport is about 230 locals currency, if you get a normal cab its 140 - or $14 odd)

Kiev (Pechersk Lavra)- These guys plainly had something going for them at one stage

Sleeping

So anyway, arriving at Kiev, where to stay? there are 3 main hostels that I checked out. Kiev Hostel on 5 Pushkin street (see here for list of Hostels) was actually pretty good and clean and cheap and well located. We also stayed at 'One step' just round the corner which was pretty ok too, despite some freaks staying there, like a guy who washes his hands every 30 seconds. And German families. Only Germans would bring their families to a hostel in Kiev for their summer holiday. But they do a pub crawl every night and have really nice staff.

 The weirdest place, which i suggest you avoid is 'Really Central' Hostel. Which is quite ironic as its impossible to find. If you are looking for it by the way, its hidden at the block behind where its supposed to be, you need to go under some underpass and up some stairs. If you look hard there is a small paper sign giving you a clue it exists. We got there though eventually and there was no staff there at all (even after waiting 30mins) and some kind of messed up French Canadian semi hooker crackhead chick turned up and started asking us for money. In the hostel hallway. The place was small and stuffy and smelled bad anyway.

Best thing to do is contact kiev apartments and you can get an apartment for really cheap in the centre, on a daily basis. It was $68 a night for 2 of us in a 2 bed place.

Kiev itself isn't so cheap. Anyway here are the basics -

Food -
The best food we ate was in 'Buddha Bar' but its pricey. That's pretty much the same all along the main street. I ate in 'Mafia' too, which had tiny portions and no potatoes for some reason. Theres a good middle market Japanese chain called Mirakami. But basically, if it looks glamourous, it will be overpriced but good food, and if it looks Soviet, it will all taste of cabbage no matter what you buy.

Drinking - 
You know, if you're looking for a shag with a random chick and don't really care what age she is or what she looks like, then go to Vodka Bar (on the main street, at the main square) or Shooters (get a taxi) they are busy every night pretty much, and are Kiev's versions of Tallinns Nimeta bar, full of lithe teenagers eager to pounce on unwary good looking charming foreigners. Shooters is owned by a Scotsman and the staff bizzarely all wear kilts.

If you happen to have taste, then your options are more limited. There are numerous glammy places with swish names, you know the usual Eastern European moneytrash pits, but they aren't much fun unless you are fat and bald and like beautiful hookers (who i understand from other blogposts can fall in love with you for $300 a night, dear fat bald guy)

The best all round area to go for nightlife is probably the Arena area. We started off (luckily with pals who live here) in a nearby place called Ikon, which is quite sophisticated for Kiev, if it wasn't full of expats and the usual smattering of young models. Anyway, our models wen't to Arena, a place called 'Mantra' which looked quite good if you like las vegasy clubs. I decided not to pay 30 Euros entry and went to 'Piggy' next door which was great - good retro music, more studenty, free entry, lots of very drunk but normalish people, a bit more of an artsy vibe. Anyway the atmosphere was great and there may have even been some drunk pogo dancing in there one night last week....

There's also Arena in there which is more for the fat bald hooker lover category, i understand.

The other option in Kiev are the Irish Bars - Golden Gate, O Briens, and Lucky Bar. Full of foreign blokes drinking beer and playing pool if you like that kind of thing. And girls who like to marry foreign guys, if you like that kind of thing.

And finally if the above is not enough and you want real up to date info. check my pal Vijai's site kiev tonite which gives up to date reviews on all the cool shops, bars, clubs, restaurants, hotels...you name it, in Kiev.

Independance Square, Kiev

Sights -
Tourism in Ukraine is not set up for the benefit of tourists. This is an ex soviet country remember. There are lots of beautiful churches, you can get a boat ride down the river, and there is a lovely statue on the hill. As or Art Galleries and museums, forget it. We tried all weekend, but they were either closed for the holidays (i.e. the times when people might like to visit them) or were closing so a babushka wouldn't let us in anyway.  The other option is to get stitched by the main tourist thing - go to Chernobil. You don't even have to wear a suit anymore, you can go on your own, and it looks pretty boring. And the tour package normally costs about $200 for the daytrip.  You can also shoot AK47's .

Annoying things.

Ukranian Police solving crimes

Police -
true to form, Ukranian Police are your worst enemy here in ex-soviet land. Always bring your passport with you - They actively seek out foreigners, especially drunk ones, and especially at night, in order to extract bribes from you (i saw some guys hand over $200!) Anyway, if you see any, best cross the street - they're at best a nuisance and at worse can ruin your holiday.

Drunks and Robbers -
They aren't nearly as dangerous as the police but they still roam about in gangs, especially at the underpasses in the centre at night. Usually they are too drunk to do much damage and (as my friend found out could possible be good fun as punchbags) Anyway the main thing to bear in mind is that the Police are not on your side here so don't bother with them.

Shoes and Clothing -

See previous post. I always encourage travellers to 'go ethnic' when visiting a new country. DO NOT FORGET to go to your local charity shop and buy a pair of white pointed leather (even better crocodile skin) pointy shoes. Slip on's are preferred here. If you can't find a pair, just steal your dads old Golf shoes.  But don't be surprised if people start talking to you in Ukrainian or Russian. Or if they have watched Borat, Khazakstani.    You are still likely to be turned down from the more trendy clubs if you aren't wearing a cream suit, or perhaps one of those nasty purple shirts that pass for fashion in places like Munich or Brisbane, so don't say you weren't warned.

The Style Merchants of Kiev

The first thing you notice when you get to Kiev, after you've crossed the bridge into town across the river, with the beautiful golden spires of the city in the distance, and after you notice how the women are certainly the worlds most beautiful.....The first thing you notice is that all the men seem to have bought all their clothes from the charity shops of Dortmund and Sardinia.

Last night, i wasn't allowed into the club, because my shoes weren't right. So we took some photos of the shoes that 'were' right....

My not acceptable shoes on the left, with a selection of Kievs finest

So today i have a task to find a nice pair of blue suede slip ons or white crocodile skin pointy toed numbers. Then i'll get in....

DAY 2

Trying to find the cheapest and nastiest footwear in the whole country

It was a tough struggle but i managed to buy a rather offensive pair of white pointed leather slip-on shoes. They were like 1970's golf shoes gone mad.  Needless to say, after that i swanned into any bar or club i wanted to, with local ladies swooning at my (white and pointy) heels.

What really gets my goat is - why don't any of the guides tell you about the 'awful shoes' rule in Kiev? Guys, don't even think about turning up here with Timberlands or normal shoes, it's just not going to cut it. If you want to really get into the vibe, a cream suit and a manbag also helps.

I'm glad this blog at least is doing some service by warning people about this local cultural nuance.

Brothers in Arms - me with my new 'Ukraine style' beside some random Ukranian who takes this type of footwear seriously.

Ok, so as for the feel of the city, its changed a lot over the past 5 years, for the better or worse. Back then, the only guys who spoke English were the Mafia and the Hookers, and a Manbag held your gun. but now the city's cleaned its act up and has, like Tallinn back in 2004, become a haven it seems for 2nd rate western men looking to score the woman of their dreams. Amusingly, this was exactly what was happening last night in Vodka Bar (if you don't believe me about the people check this )  where some black DJ guy was up on the stage, acting like a superstar, and telling all the girls he was from .....York. No, not New York, (which would have impressed drunk 18 year olds i'm sure) but. York. In Yorkshire. Fortunately for him, I think the locals considered the two to be similar.

Ok...i'll do a proper report on Kiev after the holiday, now its time to shoot AK47's, go to Chernobil and play Poker with the local Mafiosi (oh, and visit lots of medeival churches of course)