In Defence of Peter Pan Syndrome - Keep Believing!

Areas of instability = areas with not enough men

I finally watched 'Finding Neverland' which is pretty funny as Johny Depp has, surprisingly, a good Glasgow accent as the author of JM Barrie (who wrote Peter Pan)

From my point of view, the interest was more about the writer, who was basically the Michael Jackson of his day (im pretty sure both actually were innocent but tragically misunderstood) and after whom the label 'Peter Pan Syndrome' was wrongly coined.

Actually, JM Barrie, allegedly had a glandular problem and never 'developed', physically ie he couldnt shag. So he had really the opposite of Peter Pan syndrome, he became mature mentally without maturing physically.

So why do some men prefer to play with kids all day and act out adventures and think like a child? When i was 10 years old, if someone told me 40 year olds would be playing 'world of warcraft' 10 hours a day i wouldnt believe it. Welcome to the future ;o)

Anyway firstly here are some definitions - I particulary like the 'wendy syndrome' ;o)

1. PETER PAN SYNDROME, a desire to remain young and not face the responsibilities of youth, is the natural result of anyone who had a good childhood. The naive security of youth is looked upon fondly as an ideal state of being. Although the "condition," which is really just a state of mind, has gained a negative connotation in quasi-psychological use, it is actually a normal part of the post-adolescent mindset. If, however, the Peter Pan is to completely shun adult responsibility to the detriment of happiness or relationships, he can be said to be a "victim" of this syndrome.( For more, see www.evanbailyn.com which is a pretty good blog)

2. PETER PAN SYNDROME has been accepted in psychology and laypeople and, by some psychology professionals since the book "THE PETER PAN SYNDROME: MEN WHO HAVE NEVER GROWN UP) by Dr. Dan Kiley and published in 1983.

It characterizes the personality of an immature person and also includes narcissistic behavior. It groups those with this disorder an undependable, rebellious, anger, narcissism, dependency, and manipulation tendencies. According to Dr. Kiley, "Peter Pan" is the adult little boy who, when in a relationship or in seeking a relationship, acts out a need for mothering.

Dr. Kiley also wrote another book called, "The Wendy Dilemma" published in 1984. A woman who (often unconsciously) acts in a mother role. Contributing the other half of co-dependent couple's circumstances, her responses to the Peter Pan man, is over-protection, possessiveness, complaining, and "martyrdom."

My take on it? I'm with Albert Einstein.

Einstein (not so) famously said - "The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives."

It's the idea that we keep our minds open to new possibilities, remain accepting of different views, and crave knowledge in addition to understanding, and rise above the 'white noise' around you.

In other words, for some real Genius to come out, you have to clear the mind of all the cynicism and negativity of the adult world. The backstabbers the naysayers, the stalkers, the negative energy of the people who try to drag you down. If you are under pressure all the time from large numbers of jealous detractors, or the victim of politics, then why not escape into your own personal mountain hideout in that great forest in the north, in order to find inspiration? You dont see Bhuddist monks up there in Tibet whinging about how that guy over there did such and such, and how so and so could have been such and such but now hes just a drunk.

Therein lies Nirvana, and really, as all you fellow peter panners know, away from the ugliness of the banal negative hordes, the world can be truly beautiful.

This is maybe what is really meant by the 'age of Aquarius' when bad energy is finally dissapated. The worst case of the future has already been explored in 'Utopia' (Sir Thomas More) or 'Brave New World' (Aldius Huxley) or '1984' (George Orwell) But these realities only happen if we let the spuds win.

But lets not forget, on the inspiration front, Beautiful women help here too. Is it a coincidence that riots happen in countries with too few and too ugly(and oddly enough hairy) women ? - I think its not a coincidence that every man in the med. comes north and east to be inspired by the beauties of the Slavic race. Do you know a man who sings the beauty of Greek girls over the fair maidens of Southern Estonia? No wonder they all prefer goats and little boys.

Conclusion? Women? - be beautiful and smart and inspiring Men? - keep believing, be inspired, stop whinging and do what your good at (unless its whinging)

Tallinn summer weekends (carnage)

So, what happens in Tallinn on the rare occasion when the sun comes out at a weekend? Total carnage thats what. No one really knows what to do so they get sozzled and kiss strangers.

You have to be careful of course since the trashometer is quite high in this city, as is the STD scene (as most of you single vistors to Tallinn will, if you are into this kind of thing be picking up the same 'Tallinn 200' of girls who party in Vaiki Kaire (bar street) and sleep with any foreigner who tells them they have a job. Most of these girls are actually quite sweet and vulnerable, its just that they dont know their fathers and are so young there is a good chance you are older than him. There is also a 70% chance they will turn up at your doorstep with a suitcase after 1 week, and/or also sleep with all your freinds so do be warned!)

So that sets the scene for the weekend that Tallinn puts up in the summer. All weekend drinking is not uncommon (as i remembered when i went to the bar this afternoon) For most of the year the sun is not a close freind of the far north, although at this time of year it is light for most of the night and so on hot weekends like this, there is an almost constant euphoria.

So this saturday was the 1st anniversary opening of my pals bar, Drink bar in Tallinn, it coincided with i understand the fashion tv model party in Bon Bon and Miss Bikini in Parliment, but as the drinking began at 7pm then the Clubs and bikinis got relegated to 'minana' and we slowly slouched down to the more divey bars in town (which for Tallinners this means almost always 'Levikas' which opens til around 6. This is where everyone who didnt score at 2am ends up to score, its just that now the stakes are lower because everyone is drunk there, and so the 'wounded gazelle' factor is pretty high. It probably helps if you have no sense of smell.

Drink bar works well as a pub, as the food is cheap and tasty, theres no music and the atmosphere is quite laid back. It focusses on beer, with lots of foreign cask ales which you cant get anywhere else in Estonia. I'll stick a photo in soon. Hopefully this plug will get me a free fish and chips ;o)

The main bar street is just like any bar street in UK, except the average girl is prettier and easier, and younger. I blame the lack of fathers here, but really most Estonian girls arent really like that, at least not after they reach 19. Personally i dont like to go there due to the large amount of Brits who walk around goggle eyed thinking they died and gone to heaven, not realising the little blue eyed minx they are buying drinks for and getting on well with has to get up for school the next day.

Apart from a few good exceptions (drink bar and hell hunt) there isnt a great deal in between except for bars and clubs for the pretend rich people (Tallinn doesnt really have any rich people) which are all glammed out and to be honest usually have a pretty false atmosphere. The other end is the Finnish Kareoke bars, i think its best not to talk about those.

Of course none of this matters as the same people go to all of these places, just depending on how they happened to dress that night, what age they are, and what mood they are in. And depressingly, you end up recognising almost everyone, which means you are likely to see your ex hitting on random bald old foreign guys, or the two big brothers of the girl you jilted at the alter last year, who just got out of jail. Or the mum of the girl you picked up the last time you were in Nimeta bar.

These are the kind of reasons i need to get away from this country sometimes. Just one night in Tallinn, even a pleasant one like last night, just brings it home how much of a goldfish bowl this tiny city really is.

Helsinki - Pulling it off despite serious In-Breeding

Helsinki, and Finland as a whole, despite having a population so in-bred it makes Alabama blush with envy, does actually manage to pull itself together on a lovely May day like today.

I spent the morning working with normal well adjusted Helsinki Architects, who speak languages, went to university, know where Venezuala is and all the normal western norms of a society, then wandered round the posh-arty area to the West of the centre - what a great place, you turn a corner and you arent sure if you'll see a beautiful building, an interesting cafe, a cool gallery, a shop selling gilded cages (true story) or a hideously in-bred, white as a sheet Finn with little porky glasses and a belly to match the pig they just ate.

There are plenty of hotties too here though, and educated ones, who speak usually with kind of cockney accent for some reason. This phenomenon of good looking twentysomthing intelligent cultured girls is something i miss, living in Tallinn - even finding a single girl over 22 is pretty hard there (i'm afraid if she tells you shes single shes lying, shes just waiting to check that you are richer then she'll ruthlessly dump her existing boyfriend and turn up at yours with her suitcases, i think all you expats know what im talking about!)

Maybe im overromanticising but i beleive even in Helsinki there are even women who understand my jokes.

The city itself is quite compact. You can catch a tram across the main parts and buses all round. At the back end of the centre theres a great little rollercoaster park and a tram that circles all the main sites (you can even get a tram that has bar in it, true endemically alcoholic Finnish style) You can walk or even cycle when its not minus 40, but the main cool part seems to be this little neighbourhood on the hill to the west of the harbour - like a little piece of San Fransisco it nestles in there with its esoteric bookshop (i bought my first 'Rudolph Steiner' book there 2 years ago) and its comic shops, art galleries, and weird old postcard, knick nack, and second hand trumpet selling emporiums.

The centre itself is a pretty boring mix of Hesburgers (Finnish hamburger chain) and crappy chain stores. But it is a funny opportunity to see black people speaking Finnish, which is as funny as when you go to Glasgow for the first time and see Indian Guys with unintellligable Glasgow accents.

Theres another cheaper and intersting area to the NE of the city centre- just follow the road up East from the railway station, and past the awful Molly Malones pub, and jump on the tram. I used to stay in this crazy part of town when i was en route to Tallinn (when there were no direct flights to London, back in the glory days) While the area is a wee bit scabby if the truth be told, there is a public sauna which is an interesting experience (be sure to get drunk in there) and a whole load of rocky student bars around.
This is also the area for cheaper hotels as the centre is upwards of 100 euro a night usually, apart from one street next to the station full of small hotels (where they dont let you take ladies back, which connects to a totally different story about my first ever trip to Helsinki and a guy i met on the plane and reindeer meat and this guys girlfriends porn star friend but that story is too naughty to be told here)

Where a lot of people knock Helsinki, is on its party scene. Finns are seen as a pretty dour bunch, and they have a habit of drinking silently, being mildy freindly for 5 minutes, then falling down and passing out. This Finnish activity was the primary economic driver of Estonias post independance boom as they poured over for cheap booze and cheaper Russian women.

However re Helsinki as a bad place to go out, I beg to differ from the naysayers.

I used to go out drinking here on my own, and always made good friends (since everyone looks alike then its easy to be freindly to strangers as you think you already know them) The bars can vary from the posh ones (like the Swedish Theatre in the centre where there are a lot of Swedes but still quite a few inbred chinless wonders quaffing champagne) to the down and dirty drinking halls in East Helsinki (which arent actually so cheap but its all relative) For adventures, I personally prefer the Rock clubs (of which there are many) as i always seem to end up at some afterparty at 7am in a random suburb or with some Serbian girl eating breakfast in a 24 hr macdonalds.

So the overall image of Finns are that they are a boring honest and serious bunch, who dont say a peep until an expensive 15 vodkas after which they become friendly/horny and actually become themselves. Id add the cosmopolitan mix of that Helsinki Bohem set and the fact that the whole population loves death metal and has bad eyesight (another inbreeding thing) then you pretty much have it.

But really, despite or because of its quirks, somehow Helsinki does make the grade.

Ode to the mighty Estonian Potato - Hiiuma and Saarema

The Saarema party

Shopping heaven in rural Estonia

Parsema social calendar - They are selling cookers here in 2 weeks.

Quite nice church in the middle of nowhere, Saremaa

The belly dancing gets into full swing

I cant really remember the name of this hotel but im sure its amazing when its not closed

Spudhunters on the ferry

Hiiuma, the smaller of Estonias two big islands, has some spiritual significance for Estonians. So please forgive me for taking the piss out of it here. For outsiders, it's especially famous for its potatoes, and i understand for Jaanipaev (midsummer)

Anyway, i hadnt been there much, so since one friend of a friend was DJ'ing at the mighty island of Hiiuma's only nightclub this saturday, we put the team in action and headed out on the highway, bound for the metropolis of Kaina (pop about 234) the second biggest city on the island.

Coincidentally our hotel was joined on to the club. It was actually closed as May is not yet 'summer' here in the far north, so resembled somthing out of 'the shining' with long corridors of empty rooms.

The highlight of Hiiumas saturday night was a middle eastern night, in the islands only restaurant. (which has pretty tasty food and well i can't really tell you the story about the waitress in this blog..) As we'd polished off our dinner, we tried to politely leave in the middle of the belly dancing show, which was met by stares and comments of 'surely they dont know this is the biggest thing thats happened here since soviet occupation' and things like that....

Anyway following some purchases of Vodka from the supermarket the party started....or at least we started partying in our rooms. At midnight there 8 people in the club, but by 2am the population got up to 15 so then the real party started. Not that we were there. About this time our freind the DJ walked into our room (where we were drinking as the tv had better music) so drunk he tried to urinate on the coffee table, so we understood the party hadn't yet got going next door. He then went to bed, leaving the entire population of Hiiuma who'd turned up to hear his tunes disappointed and seeking legal advice (or most likely taking out their frustrations on the local sheep population)

Anyway guys, the point is, if your coming to Hiiuma looking for some fun (or marriage) with rosy cheeked country girls, it aint going to happen as their older brothers and the guy who has fancied her since they were 3 will be busy cockblocking you with stories about the year they had a bumper crop of potatoes.

However, if you want a weekend getting blind drunk on the cheap, and discussing vodka, and tractors (and potatoes of course) then this is heaven for you.

Next day i left the guys and headed off in Saarema, the largest island and altogether a different fish. I got dropped of the tiny village of Leisi, with the task of finding my way (on a sunday afternoon) to the even tinier village of Parsema, which is right in the middle of the island somewhere, and most certainly has a touch of cannibal incest style in-breeding in there.

These are the kind of places where not only does every family has a retard or two, but here these retards roam the streets, (while us normal guys in Tallinn mostly keep ours in the cellar or attic)

As i started walking the 10km to this village though, i was thumbing a lift, and luckily pretty much every car (all 3) stopped, even though no one was going that way. Most likely they were just gawking at the first foreigner to go there since the vikings. Fortunately none of them were cannibals and eventually an old lady who didnt speak english got me in her lada and took me all the way, even though she wasnt going there (thanks!) So theres my Karma reward for giving a random las vegas beggar $10 4 years ago (why the hell did i do that? im sure he blew it on roulette 5 mins later)

Parsema had a great tractor show coming the next week, but i will miss it unfortunately. And there was one shop (pic), where you could buy vodka, cigarettes, cabbage and potatoes (and actually Estonian wine which i must try sometime)

But the vibe in Saarema is a lot better than Hiiuma. It has a town, Kuuresaare, which even has shops. So the feel, even in the retard villages, is a lot more like they have contact with the outside world. However i dont think their potatoes are quite as tasty.

SUMMARY - If you want great value spa hotels with more than 3 tv channels, visit Saaerama. If you are a retard, drunk or have a potato fetish, then Hiiuma is more for you.

Everyone has an Agenda

One interesting piece of philosophy i shared with a random drunk (and embittered) Canadian divorcee when in Thailand was that EVERYONE HAS AN AGENDA. In USA, its seen as everything you do has a reason, and you are looking for a totally selfish angle or an outcome of that - ie you have freinds so you arent lonely, you beleive in God because your scared of dying, get married becuase you want regular sex and your shirts ironed, you drive a porche because you think it will compensate for your small penis etc etc.

So even altruistic or seemingly genuine things are deeply rooted in selfish motives. Only Americans could think of such a cynical thing but it does hold a lot of truth - today, consider what you are doing and have a good think why - Do you have an Agenda? And if not, why not?